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  • CitiGroup sold!

    Subject: Breaking News: Somali Pirates in Discussions to Acquire Citigroup
    By Andreas Hippin
    November 20 (Bloomberg) -- The Somali pirates, renegade Somalis known for hijacking ships for ransom in the Gulf of Aden, are negotiating a purchase of Citigroup.

    The pirates would buy Citigroup with new debt and their existing cash stockpiles, earned most recently from hijacking numerous ships, including most recently a $200 million Saudi Arabian oil tanker. The Somali pirates are offering up to $0.10 per share for Citigroup, pirate spokesman Sugule Ali said earlier today. The negotiations have entered the final stage, Ali said. ``You may not like our price, but we are not in the business of paying for things. Be happy we are in the mood to offer the shareholders anything," said Ali.

    The pirates will finance part of the purchase by selling new Pirate Ransom Backed Securities. The PRBS's are backed by the cash flows from future ransom payments from hijackings in the Gulf of Aden. Moody's and S&P have already issued their top investment grade ratings for the PRBS's.

    Head pirate, Ubu Kalid Shandu, said "we need a bank so that we have a place to keep all of our ransom money. Thankfully, the dislocations in the capital markets has allowed us to purchase Citigroup at an attractive valuation and to take advantage of TARP capital to grow the business even faster."
    Shandu added, "We don't call ourselves pirates. We are coastguards and this will just allow us to guard our coasts better."

    --Editor: Colin Keatinge



  • #2
    The one I heard yesterday was that Citi was going to be merged with Goldman Sachs, and the newly merged entity would be named "Sachs and the Citi"
    "‎It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men" - Frederick Douglass

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    • #3
      I wonder if they would like to get into airline business. Air Jamaica could use a buyer right about now. Afterall, every coastguard has a good air wing!


      BLACK LIVES MATTER

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Mosiah View Post
        I wonder if they would like to get into airline business. Air Jamaica could use a buyer right about now. Afterall, every coastguard has a good air wing!
        It's not Friday...and yuh a tek serious ting mek joke...
        ...but
        "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

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        • #5
          Mi just a watch di ride because sooner rather than later, wi soon have our own problems with pirates. It's already happening on a small scale, but we have huge container ships coming into Kingston Harbour and there is money to be made!


          BLACK LIVES MATTER

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Mosiah View Post
            Mi just a watch di ride because sooner rather than later, wi soon have our own problems with pirates. It's already happening on a small scale, but we have huge container ships coming into Kingston Harbour and there is money to be made!
            No?!

            It will never happen! (hopeful)
            "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

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