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Friends with benefits
Friends with benefits
Published: Monday | April 1, 2013 2 Comments
Man, woman, intimacy. The first thing that comes to mind is a relationship. But for some, while one party is revelling in the emotional high, their partners often crumble under the pressure of emotional lows on their quest to ultimate happiness, and eventually call it quits.
To avoid further heartache, some men and women have been taking preventative measures to escape emotional despair - walking the more unconventional path - being 'friends with benefits'. According to counselling psychologist Olive Ellis, "Friends with benefits phenomena have become increasingly popular in Jamaica, especially among busy professionals who are not ready for a committed relationship, but just need someone just to 'scratch an itch'."
She continues, "This relationship is based solely on physical sexual gratification - without any strings attached. Persons seem to prefer this kind of arrangement instead of a one-night stand. It is just to have someone around to make love to, without the commitments." Sales executive and part-time marketing student Shaniene Campbell, knows all too well about scratching an itch. She tells Flair, "friends with benefits is not necessarily emotional, there is just that 'like' and 'attraction. And because this whole tangled web of being so in love is not there, it gives me some amount of freedom."
Four months
For her the benefits went on for about four months. She explains that it going on any longer would then be heading in the direction of a relationship, which was a line they both definitely did not want to cross. There was mutual respect and no anger or animosity as they parted amicably. She tells Flair she would definitely do it again.
According to Ellis, this arrangement is perfect for some individuals, "professional women who have not found someone they are 'professionally compatible' with; with whom she would want to have a committed relationship, but needs to have her sexual needs satisfied." Chris Leeconfessed that he has such an arrangement because he is not financially able to afford her the luxury of being in a relationship with her, "I met her at school and from the day I saw her I knew I needed to 'experience' her." After becoming friends, he found out that she felt the same, and over time that blossomed into them becoming friends with benefits. He told Flair, "We have been in this arrangement for six years now because there is great chemistry between us, but my money situation prevented me from being in a relationship with her, as she has a higher 'standing' than I did. I think we will probably have a long-standing relationship in the end, looking back at the epic moments we shared together." Ellis notes that it is possible for such arrangements to progress into a committed romance.
For Cher Wrighther situation developed after breaking up with her boyfriend of a year. "I did not want to be in a relationship anymore because we began living in different parishes and it was stressing us out. He became psychotic about me cheating, and started doing some crazy things, so I called it off.
However, every time I went to Kingston for the weekend or holiday, we would hook up. We were both single and not together so it was always a good time for us, with no expectations and no strings attached, thus decreasing the level of commitment." They parted ways after she found someone to love. However, these arrangements aren't bullet proof. According to Ellis, "The problem with this arrangement for many, is that it is very hard to separate sexual intimacy from relationship intimacy. In the early stages the partners think that they can and it might work.
Emotional attachment
"But after a while - the woman in most cases starts to develop emotional attachments or feelings for the man and starts to depend on him for more than just sex. Some men too may become attached during a friend with benefits agreement, but it is easier for men to pull out as men focus more on the 'benefits' which is sex and the woman on the friendship." Damion Wilkerson, entered friends with benefits arrangement with someone else while they were both in committed relationships. They ended the arrangement because she was emotionally compromised and did not want to leave her significant other for him, something he was ready to do.
Ellis advised, "Friendship with benefits is not advised as it is complex and there is the potential for heartbreak and pain. For persons who opt for this kind of relationship, and for it to be successful, they must consider the following:
Do not have any expectations;
There should be strict adherence to mutually agreed rules
Have a time frame for the relationship - 3 months, 6 months (should not be longer);
Limit your time together (two hours per day);
Do not sleep over - remember it just the sex!
It should only be between the two persons involved - no friends or family should have knowledge of it;
Open discussions on whether either party is allowed to have other relationships.
Published: Monday | April 1, 2013 2 Comments
Man, woman, intimacy. The first thing that comes to mind is a relationship. But for some, while one party is revelling in the emotional high, their partners often crumble under the pressure of emotional lows on their quest to ultimate happiness, and eventually call it quits.
To avoid further heartache, some men and women have been taking preventative measures to escape emotional despair - walking the more unconventional path - being 'friends with benefits'. According to counselling psychologist Olive Ellis, "Friends with benefits phenomena have become increasingly popular in Jamaica, especially among busy professionals who are not ready for a committed relationship, but just need someone just to 'scratch an itch'."
She continues, "This relationship is based solely on physical sexual gratification - without any strings attached. Persons seem to prefer this kind of arrangement instead of a one-night stand. It is just to have someone around to make love to, without the commitments." Sales executive and part-time marketing student Shaniene Campbell, knows all too well about scratching an itch. She tells Flair, "friends with benefits is not necessarily emotional, there is just that 'like' and 'attraction. And because this whole tangled web of being so in love is not there, it gives me some amount of freedom."
Four months
For her the benefits went on for about four months. She explains that it going on any longer would then be heading in the direction of a relationship, which was a line they both definitely did not want to cross. There was mutual respect and no anger or animosity as they parted amicably. She tells Flair she would definitely do it again.
According to Ellis, this arrangement is perfect for some individuals, "professional women who have not found someone they are 'professionally compatible' with; with whom she would want to have a committed relationship, but needs to have her sexual needs satisfied." Chris Leeconfessed that he has such an arrangement because he is not financially able to afford her the luxury of being in a relationship with her, "I met her at school and from the day I saw her I knew I needed to 'experience' her." After becoming friends, he found out that she felt the same, and over time that blossomed into them becoming friends with benefits. He told Flair, "We have been in this arrangement for six years now because there is great chemistry between us, but my money situation prevented me from being in a relationship with her, as she has a higher 'standing' than I did. I think we will probably have a long-standing relationship in the end, looking back at the epic moments we shared together." Ellis notes that it is possible for such arrangements to progress into a committed romance.
For Cher Wrighther situation developed after breaking up with her boyfriend of a year. "I did not want to be in a relationship anymore because we began living in different parishes and it was stressing us out. He became psychotic about me cheating, and started doing some crazy things, so I called it off.
However, every time I went to Kingston for the weekend or holiday, we would hook up. We were both single and not together so it was always a good time for us, with no expectations and no strings attached, thus decreasing the level of commitment." They parted ways after she found someone to love. However, these arrangements aren't bullet proof. According to Ellis, "The problem with this arrangement for many, is that it is very hard to separate sexual intimacy from relationship intimacy. In the early stages the partners think that they can and it might work.
Emotional attachment
"But after a while - the woman in most cases starts to develop emotional attachments or feelings for the man and starts to depend on him for more than just sex. Some men too may become attached during a friend with benefits agreement, but it is easier for men to pull out as men focus more on the 'benefits' which is sex and the woman on the friendship." Damion Wilkerson, entered friends with benefits arrangement with someone else while they were both in committed relationships. They ended the arrangement because she was emotionally compromised and did not want to leave her significant other for him, something he was ready to do.
Ellis advised, "Friendship with benefits is not advised as it is complex and there is the potential for heartbreak and pain. For persons who opt for this kind of relationship, and for it to be successful, they must consider the following:
Do not have any expectations;
There should be strict adherence to mutually agreed rules
Have a time frame for the relationship - 3 months, 6 months (should not be longer);
Limit your time together (two hours per day);
Do not sleep over - remember it just the sex!
It should only be between the two persons involved - no friends or family should have knowledge of it;
Open discussions on whether either party is allowed to have other relationships.
Paul Marin -19 is one thing, 20 is a whole other matter. It gets even worse if they win the UCL. *groan*. 
05/18/2011.MU fans naah cough, but all a unuh a vomit?-Lazie 1/11/2015
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