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Is a 'one-burner' relationship a recipe for domestic violence?
A Dat Wi Seh...
Sunday, March 10, 2013
JEALOUSY and its connection to domestic discord and even violence is well documented worldwide.
As in other cultures, here in Jamaica, personal convictions and tradition play a role in determining how someone in a monogamous relationship reacts to being cheated on, or suspicion of unfaithfulness.
In recent local news, cuckolded men resorted to violence against their relatives and themselves.
The Sunday Observer took to the streets to find out how Jamaicans feel about monogamous, or 'one-burner' relationships, as they are described colloquially, and whether they think the remedy for anger, hurt and potential violence caused by a cheating partner is for one person to have more than one romantic lead.
These are some responses:
Nekeisha Morrison
"Man should have one woman and a woman should have one man. It better that way. When you have one man you have only one problem, you don't have five, six, seven problem to deal with. You don't have any fretting or thinking to do as to whether people are going to see you going out with somebody else."
Oneil Saddam
"A man must have one woman. From the woman not going around him and having any other man, him should fi deh wid she alone. It nuh mek nuh sense you have a bag a woman inna dem time yah. You affi tink cause any cyaad can play,"
Gizelle Drummonds
"Man fi have one woman, and a woman fi have one man as long as him a give har what she want. But if him cyaan give har what she want then she have to go find somebody else fi give har. Woman fi have one man but sometime you need one man fi do the wining and another one fi do the minding,"
Marcia Clarke
"It all depends. Some woman want more than them can chew. Me nah tell a woman fi have one man, but if she find a man weh can help har, and if fi har man cyaan help har and mind har enough, then she will find a man who can help har. And is the same thing go for the man them too, what is good for the goose is good for the gander,"
Glenroy Murray
"Man must have more than one woman because more time the woman a yaad give too much trouble. And more time dem tings deh contribute to violence, because when you love the woman a yaad too much and more time she diss you, you heartbroken. So that's why you need more than one woman,"
Courtney Campbell, holding his 2-year-old son, Neo-shaw.
"Its really up to the individuals. Relationships are based on who comes to the table, the man and the woman, and what their choices are. My personal belief; one to one. As it relates to violence, that again is based on the individuals and not just on the circumstances of the relationship why they are driven to do that. It all has to do with the persons' sense of security and these things; not just the relationship. However, I'm not saying that the relationship is not a factor, but if you had two women you would have two times the problem that you would have with one. So you might be driven to do it even faster,"
Derrick Foster
"I think it is only natural for a monogamous relationship, where people are committed to each other exclusively so that you can develop that bond, that trust and that deep relationship without having distractions. You don't have to worry about all sorts of things if the other person finds out. Its best to keep it clean. I think when persons become violent it's based off their insecurities; it is when they start believing all sorts of things about their partners that they think of doing certain things,"
Ruth Chisholm
"I believe in one partner relationships, especially for me. I think that for safer sex and being healthy. For me it's all about trust. So I think it is easier to cultivate trust if you are focused in a committed relationship with one person. As it relates to one-burner leading to violence, I don't believe it at all, I don't buy into it. For me it's about trust, safety and being able to relax. If it's one partner it's easier for that,"
A Dat Wi Seh...
Sunday, March 10, 2013 JEALOUSY and its connection to domestic discord and even violence is well documented worldwide.
As in other cultures, here in Jamaica, personal convictions and tradition play a role in determining how someone in a monogamous relationship reacts to being cheated on, or suspicion of unfaithfulness.
In recent local news, cuckolded men resorted to violence against their relatives and themselves.
The Sunday Observer took to the streets to find out how Jamaicans feel about monogamous, or 'one-burner' relationships, as they are described colloquially, and whether they think the remedy for anger, hurt and potential violence caused by a cheating partner is for one person to have more than one romantic lead.
These are some responses:
Nekeisha Morrison
"Man should have one woman and a woman should have one man. It better that way. When you have one man you have only one problem, you don't have five, six, seven problem to deal with. You don't have any fretting or thinking to do as to whether people are going to see you going out with somebody else."
Oneil Saddam
"A man must have one woman. From the woman not going around him and having any other man, him should fi deh wid she alone. It nuh mek nuh sense you have a bag a woman inna dem time yah. You affi tink cause any cyaad can play,"
Gizelle Drummonds
"Man fi have one woman, and a woman fi have one man as long as him a give har what she want. But if him cyaan give har what she want then she have to go find somebody else fi give har. Woman fi have one man but sometime you need one man fi do the wining and another one fi do the minding,"
Marcia Clarke
"It all depends. Some woman want more than them can chew. Me nah tell a woman fi have one man, but if she find a man weh can help har, and if fi har man cyaan help har and mind har enough, then she will find a man who can help har. And is the same thing go for the man them too, what is good for the goose is good for the gander,"
Glenroy Murray
"Man must have more than one woman because more time the woman a yaad give too much trouble. And more time dem tings deh contribute to violence, because when you love the woman a yaad too much and more time she diss you, you heartbroken. So that's why you need more than one woman,"
Courtney Campbell, holding his 2-year-old son, Neo-shaw.
"Its really up to the individuals. Relationships are based on who comes to the table, the man and the woman, and what their choices are. My personal belief; one to one. As it relates to violence, that again is based on the individuals and not just on the circumstances of the relationship why they are driven to do that. It all has to do with the persons' sense of security and these things; not just the relationship. However, I'm not saying that the relationship is not a factor, but if you had two women you would have two times the problem that you would have with one. So you might be driven to do it even faster,"
Derrick Foster
"I think it is only natural for a monogamous relationship, where people are committed to each other exclusively so that you can develop that bond, that trust and that deep relationship without having distractions. You don't have to worry about all sorts of things if the other person finds out. Its best to keep it clean. I think when persons become violent it's based off their insecurities; it is when they start believing all sorts of things about their partners that they think of doing certain things,"
Ruth Chisholm
"I believe in one partner relationships, especially for me. I think that for safer sex and being healthy. For me it's all about trust. So I think it is easier to cultivate trust if you are focused in a committed relationship with one person. As it relates to one-burner leading to violence, I don't believe it at all, I don't buy into it. For me it's about trust, safety and being able to relax. If it's one partner it's easier for that,"