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7 things you should never say to a single mother
This week, All Woman asks single mothers what comments have been directed their way that they could very well have done without.
1. "So where's the baby's father?" One single mother says this is something that many of her 'friends' and co-workers ask, especially if something comes up where she either has to leave work early to attend to her child or when she is finding it hard to cope financially. The concept of a single parent still hasn't sunk in for some persons, who don't understand that it does mean that the other parent isn't actively involved in the child's day-to-day activities, and therefore it is obvious that it's rude to ask why. "Duh, if he was in the picture then I would not need to be cutting work or be strapped for cash," the single mother said.
2. "Children need fathers for male role models". "Yes children need role models, but it's better they have a positive role model outside of the house than a man who doesn't have anything to offer but lives inside the house," another single mother said. Added another: "People don't understand that a positive male, any positive male, can fill that role, and that children need fathers, yes, but not every father is a suitable role model."
3. "Find a man cause you can't do it alone." "Why do some people think that you can't do it alone? Yes you can! Of course it may be twice as hard, but you can do it," one mother said. "Look around and see how many influential men and women grew up in a single-parent household and see if you can't do it alone!"
4. "Why yuh never wait 'til yuh married?" This is something that no woman doing it alone wants to hear. Yes, she could have waited, but then she didn't, and now that her child is here, she cannot turn back the hands of time.
"But who says he would not have walked out of the marital home and left anyway," Rosemarie said. "Look how many marriages are ending in divorce? Look how many men are leaving their wives and children for outside women?"
5. "How him (child) so bad? If him did have a father him wouldn't stay so!" "Some people just don't think before they open their mouths," another mother said. "All they're telling you right there is that you are not doing a good job in raising your child, and you know you are doing the best you can!"
6* "Send the pickney go live wid him/her father and free up yourself." One mother said she was angry when family members made this comment to her. She could not imagine how they could think of telling her to send her now seven-year-old daughter to live with her father, who was not playing a prominent role in her life.
"I had her for seven years, I am the only parent and the only stability that she knows," the mother said. "How can someone expect you to root up a child's life and sacrifice her happiness for the sake of being 'free'? She is my life, I would never even think about doing that."
7. "Happy Father's Day!" While persons sometimes intend this to be a compliment; one mother said it can also serve as a reminder that she is truly on her own. Then on the other hand, the fact of the matter is that her two children do have a father, even if he is not present in the home
Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magaz...#ixzz1tB1yzKaJ
1. "So where's the baby's father?" One single mother says this is something that many of her 'friends' and co-workers ask, especially if something comes up where she either has to leave work early to attend to her child or when she is finding it hard to cope financially. The concept of a single parent still hasn't sunk in for some persons, who don't understand that it does mean that the other parent isn't actively involved in the child's day-to-day activities, and therefore it is obvious that it's rude to ask why. "Duh, if he was in the picture then I would not need to be cutting work or be strapped for cash," the single mother said.
2. "Children need fathers for male role models". "Yes children need role models, but it's better they have a positive role model outside of the house than a man who doesn't have anything to offer but lives inside the house," another single mother said. Added another: "People don't understand that a positive male, any positive male, can fill that role, and that children need fathers, yes, but not every father is a suitable role model."
3. "Find a man cause you can't do it alone." "Why do some people think that you can't do it alone? Yes you can! Of course it may be twice as hard, but you can do it," one mother said. "Look around and see how many influential men and women grew up in a single-parent household and see if you can't do it alone!"
4. "Why yuh never wait 'til yuh married?" This is something that no woman doing it alone wants to hear. Yes, she could have waited, but then she didn't, and now that her child is here, she cannot turn back the hands of time.
"But who says he would not have walked out of the marital home and left anyway," Rosemarie said. "Look how many marriages are ending in divorce? Look how many men are leaving their wives and children for outside women?"
5. "How him (child) so bad? If him did have a father him wouldn't stay so!" "Some people just don't think before they open their mouths," another mother said. "All they're telling you right there is that you are not doing a good job in raising your child, and you know you are doing the best you can!"
6* "Send the pickney go live wid him/her father and free up yourself." One mother said she was angry when family members made this comment to her. She could not imagine how they could think of telling her to send her now seven-year-old daughter to live with her father, who was not playing a prominent role in her life.
"I had her for seven years, I am the only parent and the only stability that she knows," the mother said. "How can someone expect you to root up a child's life and sacrifice her happiness for the sake of being 'free'? She is my life, I would never even think about doing that."
7. "Happy Father's Day!" While persons sometimes intend this to be a compliment; one mother said it can also serve as a reminder that she is truly on her own. Then on the other hand, the fact of the matter is that her two children do have a father, even if he is not present in the home
Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magaz...#ixzz1tB1yzKaJ
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