What a weekend!!!

[Jangle]

An elderly, 70ish, white-haired gentleman walked into a jewelry store one
Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old
man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another
ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By
check. I know you need to make sure my check clears so I'll write it now,
and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll
pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said..


On Monday morning, the jeweler 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no
money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"

~ All Seniors Aren't Senile ~

[Jangle]

Don't phone your Vet in the middle of the night!





An elderly spinster who was a dog lover agreed to look after and house her neighbours dog whilst the neighbours
went on their holidays.
The only problem was that the spinsters own dog was a bitch that was on 'heat' and the neighbours dog was a male.
Nevertheless she had a large house and she was able to keep the two dogs apart.

As she lay in her bed drifting off to sleep the spinster was suddenly awakened by an awful howling and moaning
sounds from downstairs. She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together, as dogs do when mating. The
dogs were in obvious pain howling but unable to disengage.

Try as she might she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next.

Though it was late she reluctantly phoned the Vet and after a few rings a rather grumpy voice of the Vet answered
the phone.
The spinster explained the problem, and the Vet said, "I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down
alongside them. I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male
dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch".

"Oh" said the spinster, "Do you think that will work?"

"Well" the Vet replied:


"IT JUST WORKED ON ME !!!!!!"

[Lazie]

damn ... more clever than a former co-worker that wrote a check for J$5000. to get some nookie and when the girl went to BNS the check bounced.

[Jangle]

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other
monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies,
not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this,
pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy,
it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries,
but you make a good point, my son.'

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that
hasn't been opened for hundreds of years..
Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot..

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing,
'We missed theR!
We missed the R!
We missed the R!'
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, Father?'

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies,

'The word was...

CELEBRATE!!!'

[Jangle]

Gamma, this one is for you.



An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have
you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.


As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.


'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

[Gamma]

did she file rape charges?

[Gamma]

i see yuh got a hold of my memoirs!

[Sickko]

Slow day at work Jangle?

[Gamma]

rerk!