The Secret To A Long Jamaican Marriage

[Exile]

At St. Andrew Parish Church, they have a weekly husbands' marriage
seminar. At the session last week, Father asked Rufus, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and
share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same
woman all these years.

Rufus replied to the assembled husbands - "Well, mi try fi treat har
real nice, treat har with respeck, spend money pon har, and best of
all, mi tek har to Cuba fi wi 25th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Rufus, you are an amazing inspiration to all
the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife
for your 50th anniversary ..."

Rufus proudly responded, "Well, mi ah go back a Cuba fi har."

[Peter R]

This chick was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed them in
front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases,
the drunk calmly stated to her, 'You must be single.'

She was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since she indeed had never found Mr. Right. She
looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about
her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, 'Yes you are correct. But
how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.

[Peter R]

Now wi cyan laugh:

If you can read Patois, you'll know exactly what I'm talking
(try remember)

JB
>
>
> An American Airlines plane crashed and broke in two after
> landing at the Norman Manley International Airport in Kingston a
> short while ago. The aircraft carried over 145 passengers and
> crew most of them Jamaicans returning home. Boardlane TV news
> was on site to interview some of the passengers that were able
> to speak to us about the events that took place after the crash.
>
> Boardlane TV: Hi sir could you could you give us a moment and
> tell us how are you feeling and what happened when you realized
> your flight crashed?
>
> Lincoln: Lady mi sey a Jah save wi cause a di back mi dey enoh
> Miss and all of a sudden mi si di miggle a di plane hice up ina
> di air and a dat time mi a penny sey di rahtid sinting bruck ina
> 2. Mi all si wan suitcase drap outta di ova head bin siting and
> lick out wan white man flat a grung. Im mite ina di plane still
> kunk out an cyan git up cause everybody tep ova im ... man an
> woman a try cum outt before di plane boom up!
>
> Boardlane TV : No one stopped to assist the injured man?
>
> Lincoln: Look yah lady when plane boom flick pan dry land is all
> about survival yuh no seeit. Every man fi dem self cause yuh noh
> know if all a nex suitcase a goh shoot out fram di ova head
> sinting an lick yuh out.. Trus mi!
>
> Boardlane TV : Ok sir thanks very much and glad you are Ok..
> Miss Over here. Can you tell us how you feel and give us some
> insights on what took place on your flight?
>
> Matilda: Glorry Glorry… I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!! Lady a cyan
> talk … Sweeet Jesas. A nearly si di coming of mi Creata an mi
> nat even a wear desent drawz.. I sey Glorrrrrreeeeeeee!!
> Alli-jullaaa!!! respeck
>
> Boardlane TV: Ok Mam thanks. Hi Miss over here Boardlane TV
> ohere. Can you tell us what happened on your flight as it was
> landing?
>
> Millicent: Dat Razzklaat Pilot noh know wey di Bongo Cyat im a
> do.. Im nearly kill aff di whole a wi ina di big Chrismus
> haliday yah ..a fly di Bummbeet Plane like im a deh pan Jet Ski
> pan di tarmac. A waan smaddy buss im Klaat an sen im back a
> Flying school.. Dung to mi lickle 9 yr ole yout lan kite betta
> dan how dat suckka lan dis big ole Bongo Cyat plane.. cho Blood
> Kleet .. come outta mi way yah man. bexbad
>
> Boardlane TV: Oookk?? Clearly she is upset with the plot and
> understandable so. Let’s see .. Little one can you come over
> here and talk with us..How are you doing?
>
> Celine: Mi cyan fine mi mummy. Yuh si har fi mi?
>
> Boardlane TV: No but maybe you can describe her and we can get
> some help for you.
>
> Celine: Mi mummy have wan b@tty big <<soh>> an wear wan Burgundy
> head weave..an har finga nail dem have Chrismuss tree paint pan
> dem.. When di plane crash shi tek aff an run wey lef mi… like
> shi figat sey shi have pickney pan di plane wid har.. Dats how
> shi behave when har head tek har yuh mam ..shi noh memba nutten
> bout mi. frown
>
> Boardlane TV : Oh no. Go to the officer and find some help. Be
> safe. Let’s get one more comment from this gentleman. Hi sir do
> you care to comment on the incident that just took place?
>
> Percy: Sure I would loves to comments.. Miss Lady, I and my
> mistress was in the bock aff di plane han was very hestinguished
> when wi realize dot di plane do nat landed good pan di runaway.
> So I jess tell di mistress to pick up di suitcase dem han faller
> backa me.
>
> Boardlane TV : You made her carry both suitcases by herself?
>
> Percy : What mek yuh hosk? eyebrows Yuh noh si how shi strapting
> an have trang back? A wan cow dis yuh noh lady! Anyways hofta
> shi falla backs a me, wi truck aff troo di side exit door an
> landed ina wan whole heapa gravel. Si hall my helbow chip up
> fram di rackstone dem an yuh si mi mistress nat even get a
> scrotch how shi tough. Dats why mi loves her so. A very trong
> women dis. Wi aroight dowes.. just wont to find a batroom now fi
> change mi brief. Mi cyan ston ina di pee-pee no longer.
>
>
> Boardlane TV : Ok Sir God bless you and the mistress.. Well
> ladies and gentlemen there you have it. A very lucky set of
> passengers given the serioness of the accident.We will have more
> comments from passengers as they get sorted out.
>
> Now we return to our regular scheduled programming. hailup
>

[Don1]

At St. Andrew Parish Church, they have a weekly husbands' marriage
seminar. At the session last week, Father asked Rufus, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and
share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same
woman all these years.

Rufus replied to the assembled husbands - "Well, mi try fi treat har
real nice, treat har with respeck, spend money pon har, and best of
all, mi tek har to Cuba fi wi 25th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Rufus, you are an amazing inspiration to all
the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife
for your 50th anniversary ..."

Rufus proudly responded, "Well, mi ah go back a Cuba fi har."

LoL!

Mi shuddah did try dat.

[Gamma]

hl was on the flight?!!! sounds like he was alright though...thank god.

[Peter R]

Changed his name to Percy for the interview tho'

[Gamma]

.... a axe mi did a axe...yuh neva si the question sign?

[Bruce]

Big Night?

This chick was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed them in
front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases,
the drunk calmly stated to her, 'You must be single.'

She was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since she indeed had never found Mr. Right. She
looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about
her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, 'Yes you are correct. But
how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.

A woman ahead of me bought the following items:

Margarine spread
Cucumbers
Bananas
Whole summer sausage
Candles
Kosher dill pickles

I asked her: "Big night tonight?"

[Gamma]

and she said....??