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(The author of this is unknown)[FONT='Tahoma', 'sans-serif']
[/FONT][FONT='Tahoma', 'sans-serif'] [/FONT]Dear people of Jamaica;
Due to the current financial situation caused by the
slowdown of the economy, your Government has decided to
implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older
on early retirement. This scheme will be known asRAPE
(Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to
be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced
Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early
Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and
SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.
Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings
for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES
will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the
government.
Persons, who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive
as much **************** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
The government has always prided itself in the amount of
**************** it gives out. Should you feel that you do not receive
enough ****************, please bring this to the attention of your
local MP. They have been trained to give you all the ****************
you can handle.
Sincerely,
[FONT='Arial', 'sans-serif'] [/FONT]
[FONT='Tahoma', 'sans-serif']
Most Honourable [/FONT]
[FONT='Tahoma', 'sans-serif']Prime Minister[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT='Tahoma', 'sans-serif'] [/FONT]Dear people of Jamaica;
Due to the current financial situation caused by the
slowdown of the economy, your Government has decided to
implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older
on early retirement. This scheme will be known asRAPE
(Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to
be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced
Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early
Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and
SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.
Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings
for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES
will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the
government.
Persons, who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive
as much **************** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
The government has always prided itself in the amount of
**************** it gives out. Should you feel that you do not receive
enough ****************, please bring this to the attention of your
local MP. They have been trained to give you all the ****************
you can handle.
Sincerely,
[FONT='Arial', 'sans-serif'] [/FONT]
[FONT='Tahoma', 'sans-serif']
Most Honourable [/FONT]
[FONT='Tahoma', 'sans-serif']Prime Minister[/FONT]
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