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<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial; PADDING-TOP: 10pt">LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that
her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains
her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the
steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she
cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the
way."A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
"She got in the back-seat by mistake.
</DIV><DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial; PADDING-TOP: 10pt">FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One
night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and
pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out
of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or
down?"
The92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure
hope I never get that forgetful,knock on wood." She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the
door."
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing l oss, were playing golf one
fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man
chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown
and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a
wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He
sat
silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the
soup."
</DIV><DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial; PADDING-TOP: 10pt">OLD FRIENDS Now this one is just too Precious...lol
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting
a
few times a week to play cards. One day, they were pla ying cards
when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at
me ... I kn ow we've been friends for a long time, but I just
can't think of your name!
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me
what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three
minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How
soon do you need to know?"
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the
wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be caref ul!" "Hec k ," said
Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could
barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they
came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just
wenton through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be
losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and
the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The
woman
in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red
but was really concerned that s he was losing it. She was getting
nervous. At the next intersectio n,
sure e no ug h, the light was red and they went on through. So,
she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know
that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could
have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that
her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains
her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the
steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she
cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the
way."A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
"She got in the back-seat by mistake.
</DIV><DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial; PADDING-TOP: 10pt">FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One
night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and
pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out
of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or
down?"
The92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure
hope I never get that forgetful,knock on wood." She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the
door."
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing l oss, were playing golf one
fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man
chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown
and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a
wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He
sat
silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the
soup."
</DIV><DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial; PADDING-TOP: 10pt">OLD FRIENDS Now this one is just too Precious...lol
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting
a
few times a week to play cards. One day, they were pla ying cards
when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at
me ... I kn ow we've been friends for a long time, but I just
can't think of your name!
I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me
what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three
minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How
soon do you need to know?"
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the
wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be caref ul!" "Hec k ," said
Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could
barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they
came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just
wenton through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be
losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and
the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The
woman
in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red
but was really concerned that s he was losing it. She was getting
nervous. At the next intersectio n,
sure e no ug h, the light was red and they went on through. So,
she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know
that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could
have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her