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Single, successful black women rise above the wedding ring
By Nika C. Beamon
7:29 AM on 10/19/2009
© hfng - Fotolia.com
From a very young age, women are programmed to go on a quest to obtain the elusive gold ring. That wedding ring is supposed to prove to the world that there is a man who approves of and has elected to share his life, love and wealth with us.
Many movies, love songs and romance novels end with a woman being swept off her feet by "Mr. Right." Despite being bombarded with such imagery, there are some women who reject the notion that they need to be rescued by a man. Instead, they are choosing to remain happily single.
Mr. Right simply hasn't come along for some women. For many others, however, the reality that there is a marriage crisis in this country has forced them to re-evaluate their lives and carve out a new path to happiness.
US Census data shows that 53.4 percent of women - defined as those aged over 18 - are unmarried. For women over 30 years of age, that rate jumps to more than 60 percent, which means that many women have not, and may not ever, find someone to marry. A staggering 70 percent of black women live alone, leading many African-American women to embrace fulfilling solo lives in lieu of marriage. Add the growing economic and educational gap between black men and women and it becomes clear that if an African-American woman is seeking her equal, she may not even be able to find him in her own race.
What is a sister to do? Many are not getting down on themselves. Instead, they are defying expectations and finding innovative ways to have the families and futures that they have always wanted. They are doing it by taking matters into their own hands and taking bold steps to become breadwinners, homeowners and both mother and father to children. In 2008, 24 percent of first time homebuyers were women while single women of color bought more homes than even married minorities. These women are rising above the view that they are somehow missing out by not having a ring on their finger and are, instead, filing their lives with the love of friends, families and friends.
Being on their own and becoming their own "princess charming" is a path that many black women are embracing not just because there is a marriage crisis but because they've learned that they are very capable of writing their own happy ending.
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Comments(14)
By Nika C. Beamon
7:29 AM on 10/19/2009
© hfng - Fotolia.com
From a very young age, women are programmed to go on a quest to obtain the elusive gold ring. That wedding ring is supposed to prove to the world that there is a man who approves of and has elected to share his life, love and wealth with us.
Many movies, love songs and romance novels end with a woman being swept off her feet by "Mr. Right." Despite being bombarded with such imagery, there are some women who reject the notion that they need to be rescued by a man. Instead, they are choosing to remain happily single.
Mr. Right simply hasn't come along for some women. For many others, however, the reality that there is a marriage crisis in this country has forced them to re-evaluate their lives and carve out a new path to happiness.
US Census data shows that 53.4 percent of women - defined as those aged over 18 - are unmarried. For women over 30 years of age, that rate jumps to more than 60 percent, which means that many women have not, and may not ever, find someone to marry. A staggering 70 percent of black women live alone, leading many African-American women to embrace fulfilling solo lives in lieu of marriage. Add the growing economic and educational gap between black men and women and it becomes clear that if an African-American woman is seeking her equal, she may not even be able to find him in her own race.
What is a sister to do? Many are not getting down on themselves. Instead, they are defying expectations and finding innovative ways to have the families and futures that they have always wanted. They are doing it by taking matters into their own hands and taking bold steps to become breadwinners, homeowners and both mother and father to children. In 2008, 24 percent of first time homebuyers were women while single women of color bought more homes than even married minorities. These women are rising above the view that they are somehow missing out by not having a ring on their finger and are, instead, filing their lives with the love of friends, families and friends.
Being on their own and becoming their own "princess charming" is a path that many black women are embracing not just because there is a marriage crisis but because they've learned that they are very capable of writing their own happy ending.
Stay in the know with theGrio. Read latest news and features sent from theGrio right to your mailbox by signing up with your email. Email address: (optional) Your name:
Follow theGrio on Facebook & Twitter!
Comments(14)
- SoloMaleToo 10:59 AM on 10/19/2009Most of the single black women I encounter are obese- not merely overweight, but obese.
- Eddie Guerrero 11:04 AM on 10/19/2009Well I think there are many reasons for these black women having their issues. Whether or not they're successful they're still not getting married, so it's a worthless argument to make it look like there are no educated, employed black men. It's propoganda, I'm not buying it. Marriage is down all over, in all races, as women earn money for themselves. It's the cost of being an independent person! Successful men have the same problems.
- MinKCK 11:23 AM on 10/19/2009I haven't given up on the ring. I've given up on being married to a "black" man. If you believe, read and study the Holy Bible then you want to be "equally yoked". Unfortunately, black women took our parents seriously when they said go to college, make something of yourselves, or at least try. I am not against men (any race) that didn't complete college, but the pickings are extremely slim if you want to be with someone that has what you have. With that said, my first choice will always be a black man, but to be equally yoked, it has to be a man.
- Amazed 11:25 AM on 10/19/2009Why is this always considered a big deal when we talk about black women!?!?! Every woman and man has issues and concerns about marriage. The worse thing a person could do is to get married to cushion their bank account or buy a home.In the end the person you marry will dislike you and blame you for everything wrong in their life. If you make your own money and your happy single please stay that way. If your not happy tap into your inner person and find out the real reason why and fix it.
- Kuder 11:26 AM on 10/19/2009It's not just black women. More and more sucessfull women are single. For some like myself I don't want to be bothered with the hassel. I can take care of myself and like to do what I want when I want and a lot of men have a problem with that.
- MinKCK 11:26 AM on 10/19/2009Preference is a black man, but unfortunately, that option has become slim to none. So a man who is striving for the same achievement I am would be nice. If you are employed and actually read books vs. magazines, then you have a chance with me. Unfortunately, this is a rarity amongst men. Is there a solution?
- The Truth 11:28 AM on 10/19/2009I find that alot of successful women think that their careers define them. Success isn't judged by a paycheck. As a black man, I find a very high proportion of black women are overweight. Us brothers would rather date outside of our race than a women with no concept of working out.
- Ms. Black Woman 11:29 AM on 10/19/2009I'm a nonmarried black female with my kid's father living in the home, and I choose not to get married period. I won't no one taking half of what I've worked so hard to accomplish if we end up in a divorce. I simple don't believe in marrage; it only benefits the attorneys in the long run. By the way, I've been with the kid's father for 10 years now.
SoloMaleToo 10:59 AM on 10/19/2009
"Most of the single black women I encounter are obese- not merely overweight, but obese. "
America's obses not just some black woman, stupid. I'm sure you're obsese too! - Tyrone Willis 11:30 AM on 10/19/200970% black women single?? that is very sad my black sisters. Stop listening to "single Ladies" and find a man. Black,white, hispanic or chinese. No excuses!!! The Family has been destroyed due this mindset of "its ok to be single" Clearly NOT!!!!! Beyonce is not single!!!! stop being lazy and sitting there waiting for a man to find you. Times have changed go find a man and when you do let me tell you the secret to keeping him....Let him be the man of the house!
- Seriously 11:30 AM on 10/19/2009I do not agree with this article or her (gay?) feminist views. The notion that they are "rising above marriage" is not supported by the few facts in this article. Marriage is down across the board not just by black women.
Success across any race lines pose problems in finding that "significant other". - Dtrock78 11:32 AM on 10/19/2009They are single because no one wants to date them. Asides from their physical appearance, they are crazy
- Frustrate and looking. 11:42 AM on 10/19/2009I haft to agree that alot of the womans I notice are overweight and I am not saying I looked like Men's Health poster boy but I want a woman that exercises and not much drama. Oh for the record I do exercise. The next point is they expect the brother to have the house, car, and a great job which is not reality for most brothers and initially to be abe to shoulder the cost of dating (meaning eating out and buying nice gifts for them). Brother are doing the best they can with what they have to work with meaning racism in society. I don't think it's all in my head, there are alot of obstacles to deal with in these United States.
- NewConversationPlease 11:46 AM on 10/19/2009ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
- lady roots 11:48 AM on 10/19/2009Culturally the family has always been an important bed rock for Africans. It was important for us even during our holocaust, however it continues to be important for us in the Diaspora as new challenges and ways of developing family and ourselves is critical. Black ppl unfortunately do not have a "nation-building" mindset. We have assimilated into a sexist, racist and individualist culture that has no regard for marriage or family. Often Black women naturally look to Black men for marriage, but too often, Black men have no nation building mindset for self, or for his race. Essentially Black men tend to be the less conscious of this fact, and dates and marries anything but Black. This creates a consistent divide in our ppl, and leaves Black women to search else where or not at all to nation build. Black men wanting to date outside of their race is a huge problem today, and them consistently ensuring they will never have Black children is a reminder of the self hatred they have internalized, and therefore they feel proud when they are with someone that does not resemble them, or even their children.
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