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'I love my daughter...'
BY NADINE WILSON All Woman writer
Monday, June 15, 2009
Editor's note: We accept that there are two sides to every story, and accept that what we were told by the parents below, is one half the side of parents involved in custody disputes. We make no attempts to side with the fathers, but rather to give their views, even with the understanding that the mothers' views may differ.
UP to three years ago, single father Conrad Wiggan and his two daughters, 12-year old Carell and 11-year-old Chayanne were inseparable. The trio did everything and went everywhere together and despite being separated from his children's mother, life was great.
But all that changed a little over two years ago when his children's mother took his eldest daughter to Miami with the promise that she would take her to the hospital to get well-needed surgery to save her life. Wiggan said he not only lost one of his girls then, but, in light of the situation, he was forced to send his second daughter a year after, placing himself in a position where he might never see his children again.
"It is a situation where one of my daughters got ill and had to go to the US for surgery and she was not returned and so I had to send the other one, because I didn't want to separate them," the father explained.
Wiggan's eldest daughter was admitted to a local hospital in 2007, when it was discovered that her umbilical cord had not fallen off at birth and had ruptured in her stomach. He was advised to take her to Miami to do surgery to save her life. But, as the father was to find out, this was easier said than done.
"She was released from hospital the Wednesday. She was supposed to fly to Miami on the Friday and her mother would not give me the child or anything to carry to Miami. I went to the court the Friday morning and pleaded with the people there to get an emergency hearing, and after all of that, the judge [ordered] joint custody, and I am telling her that 'hey my child is sick and I need my child now, and I need a court order to go and pick up my child now'," he said.
In the end it was the mother who got to take his daughter overseas, although Wiggan said he was the person who has been raising his children since he and their mother broke up some nine years ago.
"She used the misfortune of my child being sick to go abroad," Wiggan said.
"I thought if I got the court order, then she would be forced to give me my child so I could take her to get the surgery. But it doesn't matter what you do, they are all in favour of the mother.
"I pleaded with them, I told the judge, 'I know this woman, and I know that if she takes her, I am not going to see my child again' and that is exactly what has happened."
Wiggan said, a year after, he sent his other daughter to go and live with her mother and sister in Miami. This, while heart-wrenching, was done out of his love for his daughters.
"They grew up like twins; they are just a year apart. They were pining after each other, crying after each other. Every night she goes to bed, she cried. I couldn't take it anymore, I just had to put aside my interest and send her," he said.
Although the father said he speaks to his children frequently, his greatest desire is to see them for the summer. But unless their mother takes them back here, this won't be possible, as he said he turned over his green card when he and his daughters who were born in Miami decided to relocate permanently to Jamaica some years ago.
But while Wiggan has been able to share in his daughters' life since birth, this has not been the case for Donovan Reid, who found out four years ago that he has fathered a child. Since then, he said, every attempt to get in his daughter's life has been prevented by her mother.
Reid said that four years ago, the family court ordered that a paternity test be carried out on his then 10-year-old daughter. It was at this point that it was revealed that the man she was actually calling her father wasn't her biological father. It became apparent that then that Reid was.
But, months after getting into his daughter's life, he said her mother removed her from the school she was at, left her job and relocated.
"I supported her until her mother ran away with her. I had to change her birth certificate, re-register her into my name, but the mother insisted on not changing her name and still insisted that I am not her father and is still telling her that I am not her father," he said.
What's even more painful for Reid is the fact that his daughter said she would never accept him as her father, although the judge has tried to explain the situation to her, even insisting that they ought to start their lives afresh.
Reid said after finding out that he had a daughter, he was ecstatic, to the point where he gave her half the furniture in his house and went shopping for her overseas. He is currently seeking joint custody of her so that he can be a part of her life.
The father was able to get a glimpse of his child for the first time in three years when he went to court last month, to attend the joint custody hearing.
"When I was there, the mother was upstairs alone and the child was downstairs hiding in a corner and I saw my own kid and I was afraid to go and say hello to her," he said, obviously saddened by this thought.
He pointed to the immense influence of a mother, who he said is bent on spitefulness because he ended the relationship with her sometime after his daughter was born.
After ending the relationship with his child's mother, Reid got married, but even that ended when his wife found out he fathered another child. His wife couldn't understand his obsession with wanting to be in his daughter's life, even while it was obvious that everyone thought it best that he stopped fighting. She finally gave him an ultimatum, 'your child or me', and he chose his daughter, albeit a daughter who he believes will not accept him as her father because she has been "brainwashed".
"I love my daughter a lot. I don't hold anything against her because I realise when she opens her mouth, it's the exact sentiment of the mom. everything she says, is exactly what the mother would say," said the dejected dad.
BY NADINE WILSON All Woman writer
Monday, June 15, 2009
Editor's note: We accept that there are two sides to every story, and accept that what we were told by the parents below, is one half the side of parents involved in custody disputes. We make no attempts to side with the fathers, but rather to give their views, even with the understanding that the mothers' views may differ.
UP to three years ago, single father Conrad Wiggan and his two daughters, 12-year old Carell and 11-year-old Chayanne were inseparable. The trio did everything and went everywhere together and despite being separated from his children's mother, life was great.
But all that changed a little over two years ago when his children's mother took his eldest daughter to Miami with the promise that she would take her to the hospital to get well-needed surgery to save her life. Wiggan said he not only lost one of his girls then, but, in light of the situation, he was forced to send his second daughter a year after, placing himself in a position where he might never see his children again.
"It is a situation where one of my daughters got ill and had to go to the US for surgery and she was not returned and so I had to send the other one, because I didn't want to separate them," the father explained.
Wiggan's eldest daughter was admitted to a local hospital in 2007, when it was discovered that her umbilical cord had not fallen off at birth and had ruptured in her stomach. He was advised to take her to Miami to do surgery to save her life. But, as the father was to find out, this was easier said than done.
"She was released from hospital the Wednesday. She was supposed to fly to Miami on the Friday and her mother would not give me the child or anything to carry to Miami. I went to the court the Friday morning and pleaded with the people there to get an emergency hearing, and after all of that, the judge [ordered] joint custody, and I am telling her that 'hey my child is sick and I need my child now, and I need a court order to go and pick up my child now'," he said.
In the end it was the mother who got to take his daughter overseas, although Wiggan said he was the person who has been raising his children since he and their mother broke up some nine years ago.
"She used the misfortune of my child being sick to go abroad," Wiggan said.
"I thought if I got the court order, then she would be forced to give me my child so I could take her to get the surgery. But it doesn't matter what you do, they are all in favour of the mother.
"I pleaded with them, I told the judge, 'I know this woman, and I know that if she takes her, I am not going to see my child again' and that is exactly what has happened."
Wiggan said, a year after, he sent his other daughter to go and live with her mother and sister in Miami. This, while heart-wrenching, was done out of his love for his daughters.
"They grew up like twins; they are just a year apart. They were pining after each other, crying after each other. Every night she goes to bed, she cried. I couldn't take it anymore, I just had to put aside my interest and send her," he said.
Although the father said he speaks to his children frequently, his greatest desire is to see them for the summer. But unless their mother takes them back here, this won't be possible, as he said he turned over his green card when he and his daughters who were born in Miami decided to relocate permanently to Jamaica some years ago.
But while Wiggan has been able to share in his daughters' life since birth, this has not been the case for Donovan Reid, who found out four years ago that he has fathered a child. Since then, he said, every attempt to get in his daughter's life has been prevented by her mother.
Reid said that four years ago, the family court ordered that a paternity test be carried out on his then 10-year-old daughter. It was at this point that it was revealed that the man she was actually calling her father wasn't her biological father. It became apparent that then that Reid was.
But, months after getting into his daughter's life, he said her mother removed her from the school she was at, left her job and relocated.
"I supported her until her mother ran away with her. I had to change her birth certificate, re-register her into my name, but the mother insisted on not changing her name and still insisted that I am not her father and is still telling her that I am not her father," he said.
What's even more painful for Reid is the fact that his daughter said she would never accept him as her father, although the judge has tried to explain the situation to her, even insisting that they ought to start their lives afresh.
Reid said after finding out that he had a daughter, he was ecstatic, to the point where he gave her half the furniture in his house and went shopping for her overseas. He is currently seeking joint custody of her so that he can be a part of her life.
The father was able to get a glimpse of his child for the first time in three years when he went to court last month, to attend the joint custody hearing.
"When I was there, the mother was upstairs alone and the child was downstairs hiding in a corner and I saw my own kid and I was afraid to go and say hello to her," he said, obviously saddened by this thought.
He pointed to the immense influence of a mother, who he said is bent on spitefulness because he ended the relationship with her sometime after his daughter was born.
After ending the relationship with his child's mother, Reid got married, but even that ended when his wife found out he fathered another child. His wife couldn't understand his obsession with wanting to be in his daughter's life, even while it was obvious that everyone thought it best that he stopped fighting. She finally gave him an ultimatum, 'your child or me', and he chose his daughter, albeit a daughter who he believes will not accept him as her father because she has been "brainwashed".
"I love my daughter a lot. I don't hold anything against her because I realise when she opens her mouth, it's the exact sentiment of the mom. everything she says, is exactly what the mother would say," said the dejected dad.
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