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Emotional Maintenance
Daddy Oh
With Tony Robinson
Sunday, June 07, 2009
They can be meek that have no other cause.
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee
With urging helpless patience
Wouldst relieve me.
- Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors II,1
Note the line, 'So thou that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,' so powerful, yet said almost with envy. Yes indeed, an unkind mate can be grievous, but at times, this unkindness stems from some emotional past that still hovers and haunts that person to this day. As you well know, when some weirdo commits mass murder, they always attribute his actions to his past, and his messed up childhood, and how he or she was unloved or neglected or hurt by someone. Well, more on that later, but first, some comments on Pinch, Inch, Roll, which they just won't seem to leave, and then Female Predators.
Hello Daddy Oh,
I totally agree with you, ignorance is what kills our society, our children, our women and our men. HIV/AIDS is at an all-time high (oh, by the way, I heard Syphilis is back! Nice) and every day it is getting worse because no one can take the time to just roll a piece of covering. I just don't get it. I love myself enough to protect myself or just not have sex at all. I believe that for some people in our society, it is the act of sex that controls them, not the other way around. It is not deemed to be an act of love and appreciation for one's spouse; it is merely used as an avenue to either acquire 'things' from the opposite sex. There are no morals anymore, no one saves themselves for anyone or deems themselves special enough to wait for the right time or situation. Sure, no one knows for sure that the person they choose to give it up to will be worth it, but I believe if a man or woman puts back the values into relationships, then sex would ultimately be deemed an act not disgusting, but something that should be sacred and cherished and not just some one minute drive-by. Keep on dealing with the issues to make a difference.
Marzha
Hey Tony,
Regarding Female Predators, in the cartoon, where the man says about the female rapist, "I should be so lucky," this does not really represent most men nowadays. With AIDS and HIV going around, no man in him right mind going glad if woman come on to them just so. Most men are suspicious and cautious. Plus some women really want to harvest your sperm to have their bundle of joy. They plan on being a single mother from the beginning, and don't want you to stick around and be a nuisance, but will blame you for leaving and then say that you're worthless and don't support your child and you abandon them. They choose you as a target, and fools get caught every day. Just look at the stats for single female-headed households, and the rate of children born to single women. Nuff man get rape and don't even know it.
David
Which rolls right into my spiel on emotional maintenance. Now one factor that's important after you acquire anything is the after-sales service. It's no point buying that criss car, expensive piece of machinery, or even a house, and not have it maintained on a regular basis. If you don't, I guarantee that it's going to "pop dung" and cost you more in the long run. The same goes for people, especially women, who seem to constantly need maintenance of the emotional kind in order to function, or even exist with a modicum of normalcy. You can't just get a woman, have her in your life and not do any preventative maintenance. If not, you'll have an unkind mate as mentioned in the above quote, and the last thing a man wants is an unkind mate affixed to him, as his life will be a living hell. But how do you maintain emotionally? Well, first you have to bear all her burdens with her. Hey, never mind yours, as they do not matter, but hers take utmost priority. You must understand and appreciate that she has mood swings, why she runs hot and cold, and that it's as a result of a traumatic childhood. You must know when to approach and when to back off, and you had better listen keenly to every word as she relives her tales of woe with her ex-husband or past lovers who did her wrong. You better not see their perspective either, but take her side always. You must understand and don't dare mention your past either, for her grief is more important than yours. You had better shoulder her burden even as you bear hers too and be stoic about it with none of that lower deck economy class sentimentality either. Who remembers the book Pilgrim's Progress, where people were asked to place their burdens and crosses in a bag and then place the bag on a heap? The heap piled high as a mountain. After which, they were then asked to take a bag lighter than theirs and choose it as their own to live with forever. Invariably, everyone took back their own original bag. Well, in the case of emotional maintenance, not only do you take back your bag of burdens, but you have to take and bear hers as well.
Then if the past isn't bad enough, you also have to provide emotional maintenance for the current burdens too. All the problems of her family become your problems too. Now don't get me wrong, as in a relationship that's how it's supposed to be. The only problem is the one-sided nature of the equation, as your family problems don't mean a hoot to her or are way down on her list of priorities. "Hey, don't bother talking about your family crosses to me, they're all idiots anyway, plus my mother is sick and we have to go see her right away." To provide emotional maintenance you have to be a therapist, even though you may not have the qualifications, the patience or the wherewithal to provide such a service. But if you want the vehicle to run properly, you'll have to maintain it, or either you'll have no car to drive, or another man will start driving it. You have to be a master mechanic and fix all the complicated problems that come with the complex emotional machinery. Worse yet, there are no diagnostics as you have to also be clairvoyant and know exactly what's bothering her. Plus you have to be like Hercules, Atlas, Sampson, strong, be like a rock and never buckle under the weight of what she brings to the table.
Emotional maintenance is not easy, and not many men have mastered it, hence the huge turnover of spouses and the increasing divorce rate. You also have to be a clown and make her laugh, but who cheers you up when you are down, who drags you up from your doldrums?! Oh yes, let's not forget constant reassurance, which is the backbone of emotional maintenance. Women do need to be told how beautiful they are, and you simply cannot say it often enough. And let's not forget the reassurance of your undying love either, as his has to be said with more regularity than the chants of the monks during Vespers. This emotional maintenance can take its toll, as some people never let go of their past, and invariably it impacts not only on their present and future, but on yours also. Every man who they meet suffers with them, shares their pain, absorbs their grief and has to emotionally maintain her and may get broken himself if he's not careful. Pity the doctor who catches the disease of the patient. The truth is, women never seem to let go, but hold on to memories of their past like an ancient scribe. Men, on the other hand, are expected to be skilled sailors in this emotional storm, plus be master fixers of emotional stress. Men seem to bounce back faster, be able to cope with the problems of their past better than women, and perhaps that's why it seems that men have very few worries. Emotional maintenance, what a task. No wonder men die earlier than women. Survived by his wife. sounds familiar? More time.
seido1@hotmail.com
Footnote: What a thing with our children nowadays, and worse, they now control their parents, or at least the parents allow them to control them. Now ill manners, rudeness and back-chatting are the order of the day. The common cry is, "I just can't seem to control the child anymore," said almost with pride. Just recently I saw a lady pull her seven- year-old daughter from karate class for being reprimanded. Then another yanked her son from swimming classes because, according to her, the coach was too strict. Yet they sent them there for discipline in the first place. One parent, frustrated with his four-year-old son, asked me, "What should I do, what should I do?" He's 40, the child is four and he's asking what he should do. Just watch how parents pick up their kids from school and carry the bags and lunch pan while the brat walks empty-handed. Parents are now afraid of their children and afraid to discipline them and the results are scary. Children live what they learn and take their cue from parents, so the ball is really in the court of the adults.
Daddy Oh
With Tony Robinson
Sunday, June 07, 2009
They can be meek that have no other cause.
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee
With urging helpless patience
Wouldst relieve me.
- Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors II,1
Note the line, 'So thou that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,' so powerful, yet said almost with envy. Yes indeed, an unkind mate can be grievous, but at times, this unkindness stems from some emotional past that still hovers and haunts that person to this day. As you well know, when some weirdo commits mass murder, they always attribute his actions to his past, and his messed up childhood, and how he or she was unloved or neglected or hurt by someone. Well, more on that later, but first, some comments on Pinch, Inch, Roll, which they just won't seem to leave, and then Female Predators.
Hello Daddy Oh,
I totally agree with you, ignorance is what kills our society, our children, our women and our men. HIV/AIDS is at an all-time high (oh, by the way, I heard Syphilis is back! Nice) and every day it is getting worse because no one can take the time to just roll a piece of covering. I just don't get it. I love myself enough to protect myself or just not have sex at all. I believe that for some people in our society, it is the act of sex that controls them, not the other way around. It is not deemed to be an act of love and appreciation for one's spouse; it is merely used as an avenue to either acquire 'things' from the opposite sex. There are no morals anymore, no one saves themselves for anyone or deems themselves special enough to wait for the right time or situation. Sure, no one knows for sure that the person they choose to give it up to will be worth it, but I believe if a man or woman puts back the values into relationships, then sex would ultimately be deemed an act not disgusting, but something that should be sacred and cherished and not just some one minute drive-by. Keep on dealing with the issues to make a difference.
Marzha
Hey Tony,
Regarding Female Predators, in the cartoon, where the man says about the female rapist, "I should be so lucky," this does not really represent most men nowadays. With AIDS and HIV going around, no man in him right mind going glad if woman come on to them just so. Most men are suspicious and cautious. Plus some women really want to harvest your sperm to have their bundle of joy. They plan on being a single mother from the beginning, and don't want you to stick around and be a nuisance, but will blame you for leaving and then say that you're worthless and don't support your child and you abandon them. They choose you as a target, and fools get caught every day. Just look at the stats for single female-headed households, and the rate of children born to single women. Nuff man get rape and don't even know it.
David
Which rolls right into my spiel on emotional maintenance. Now one factor that's important after you acquire anything is the after-sales service. It's no point buying that criss car, expensive piece of machinery, or even a house, and not have it maintained on a regular basis. If you don't, I guarantee that it's going to "pop dung" and cost you more in the long run. The same goes for people, especially women, who seem to constantly need maintenance of the emotional kind in order to function, or even exist with a modicum of normalcy. You can't just get a woman, have her in your life and not do any preventative maintenance. If not, you'll have an unkind mate as mentioned in the above quote, and the last thing a man wants is an unkind mate affixed to him, as his life will be a living hell. But how do you maintain emotionally? Well, first you have to bear all her burdens with her. Hey, never mind yours, as they do not matter, but hers take utmost priority. You must understand and appreciate that she has mood swings, why she runs hot and cold, and that it's as a result of a traumatic childhood. You must know when to approach and when to back off, and you had better listen keenly to every word as she relives her tales of woe with her ex-husband or past lovers who did her wrong. You better not see their perspective either, but take her side always. You must understand and don't dare mention your past either, for her grief is more important than yours. You had better shoulder her burden even as you bear hers too and be stoic about it with none of that lower deck economy class sentimentality either. Who remembers the book Pilgrim's Progress, where people were asked to place their burdens and crosses in a bag and then place the bag on a heap? The heap piled high as a mountain. After which, they were then asked to take a bag lighter than theirs and choose it as their own to live with forever. Invariably, everyone took back their own original bag. Well, in the case of emotional maintenance, not only do you take back your bag of burdens, but you have to take and bear hers as well.
Then if the past isn't bad enough, you also have to provide emotional maintenance for the current burdens too. All the problems of her family become your problems too. Now don't get me wrong, as in a relationship that's how it's supposed to be. The only problem is the one-sided nature of the equation, as your family problems don't mean a hoot to her or are way down on her list of priorities. "Hey, don't bother talking about your family crosses to me, they're all idiots anyway, plus my mother is sick and we have to go see her right away." To provide emotional maintenance you have to be a therapist, even though you may not have the qualifications, the patience or the wherewithal to provide such a service. But if you want the vehicle to run properly, you'll have to maintain it, or either you'll have no car to drive, or another man will start driving it. You have to be a master mechanic and fix all the complicated problems that come with the complex emotional machinery. Worse yet, there are no diagnostics as you have to also be clairvoyant and know exactly what's bothering her. Plus you have to be like Hercules, Atlas, Sampson, strong, be like a rock and never buckle under the weight of what she brings to the table.
Emotional maintenance is not easy, and not many men have mastered it, hence the huge turnover of spouses and the increasing divorce rate. You also have to be a clown and make her laugh, but who cheers you up when you are down, who drags you up from your doldrums?! Oh yes, let's not forget constant reassurance, which is the backbone of emotional maintenance. Women do need to be told how beautiful they are, and you simply cannot say it often enough. And let's not forget the reassurance of your undying love either, as his has to be said with more regularity than the chants of the monks during Vespers. This emotional maintenance can take its toll, as some people never let go of their past, and invariably it impacts not only on their present and future, but on yours also. Every man who they meet suffers with them, shares their pain, absorbs their grief and has to emotionally maintain her and may get broken himself if he's not careful. Pity the doctor who catches the disease of the patient. The truth is, women never seem to let go, but hold on to memories of their past like an ancient scribe. Men, on the other hand, are expected to be skilled sailors in this emotional storm, plus be master fixers of emotional stress. Men seem to bounce back faster, be able to cope with the problems of their past better than women, and perhaps that's why it seems that men have very few worries. Emotional maintenance, what a task. No wonder men die earlier than women. Survived by his wife. sounds familiar? More time.
seido1@hotmail.com
Footnote: What a thing with our children nowadays, and worse, they now control their parents, or at least the parents allow them to control them. Now ill manners, rudeness and back-chatting are the order of the day. The common cry is, "I just can't seem to control the child anymore," said almost with pride. Just recently I saw a lady pull her seven- year-old daughter from karate class for being reprimanded. Then another yanked her son from swimming classes because, according to her, the coach was too strict. Yet they sent them there for discipline in the first place. One parent, frustrated with his four-year-old son, asked me, "What should I do, what should I do?" He's 40, the child is four and he's asking what he should do. Just watch how parents pick up their kids from school and carry the bags and lunch pan while the brat walks empty-handed. Parents are now afraid of their children and afraid to discipline them and the results are scary. Children live what they learn and take their cue from parents, so the ball is really in the court of the adults.
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