Friday Joke

[Jangle]

A young Jamaican father-to-be living dung inna country awakened the village doctor in the middle of the night saying "Docta! Docta! Come fas! A mi wife sah! Ar water bruk an shi bout fi av di pikni!"

The doctor came over and told the father "Hold up di lamp higher. Hold di lamp higher nuh!" The father obliged, and behold, a baby's cry was soon heard. The father cried out: "Praise di Laad! A wan boy! Me a de proud faada a wan baby boy!"

The doctor again told the father, "Hold up di lamp higher. Hold di lamp higher nuh man!". The father again complied, and to be sure,another cry was heard.The father excitedly proclaimed: "A wan twin!! Mi get twin baby! Me doubly bless! Glory to Gad!"

The doctor instructed, "Hold up di lamp higher. Hold di lamp higher nuh!" Sure enough, a THIRD cry was heard! The father, somewhat subdued, in a nervous tone, muttered, "Oh. Tank Jesus."

The doctor repeated, "Hold up di lamp higher. Hold di lamp higher nuh man!", and a short while yet a FOURTH cry was heard. The father said nothing, being lost in deep thought.

The doctor for a fifth time commanded "Hold up di lamp higher man. Hold di lamp higher nuh!" The father then asked; "Doc, yuh tink maybe a di light a attrac dem?"

[Peter R]

Another one

One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.


"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"



"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.


"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya,

but a new truck?"


"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,

'Bubba, take whatever you want'.


So I took the truck!"
"Bubba, you're a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you!"

[Bruce]

Who Said This?

"GOD D**N IT, Laura, I may not be President any more, but I can still kick your a*s! "

[Mosiah]

Good one!

[Jangle]

True story:


The wife and I have a good friend who has two boys aged 8 and 3 years old. He is married and lives in a nice townhouse in New Jersey. He has been living in the US since the 80's and he was one of those immigrants who dropped his Jamaican accent once he stepped foot on the JFK tarmac. For the past two years now, his 8 year old son has been learning Mandarin Chinese..... What?...... You didn't know that the Chinese were taking over America? That revolution WILL be televised!!!

Anyway, one day he was having a father/son conversation with his 8 year old. The conversation went like this:

Son: "Dad what language do they speak in Jamaica?"

Dad: "They speak english son, but with an accent and it's called patois"

Son: "Say something in Jamaican Dad"

Dad, after pondering for a moment, said: "Hmmm. Ok, 'unnu'"

To which the son blurted out without skipping a beat: "Dos"

[Jangle]

Ok, so you didn't get the one above huh? Here's another for you:


Timbuktu

The National Poetry Contest was now down to the last two contestants;

A Yale graduate and a Jamaican Rasta man. They were given a word and were allowed two

minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was “Timbuktu”.

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

“Slowly across the desert sand,
trecked a lonely caravan;

Men on camels…two by two;
their destination? Timbuktu.



A big applause went up! No way could the Rasta man top that, they thought.

The Rasta man calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:




“Me and Tim, went on de road,

three thief stop wi, an want wi load.

They were three, and we were two…

So I bucked one and Timbuktu.




The crowd went wild!! The Rasta man won.

[Peter R]

Dat I am archiving... mi a LOL

[Lazie]

Ok, so you didn't get the one above huh? Here's another for you:


Timbuktu

The National Poetry Contest was now down to the last two contestants;

A Yale graduate and a Jamaican Rasta man. They were given a word and were allowed two

minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word.

The word they were given was “Timbuktu”.

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

“Slowly across the desert sand,
trecked a lonely caravan;

Men on camels…two by two;
their destination? Timbuktu.



A big applause went up! No way could the Rasta man top that, they thought.

The Rasta man calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:




“Me and Tim, went on de road,

three thief stop wi, an want wi load.

They were three, and we were two…

So I bucked one and Timbuktu.




The crowd went wild!! The Rasta man won.

Classic ...

[Jangle]

One Monday morning the UPS man is driving the neighborhood on his usual route.. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway... His wonder was cut short by Dave, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

'Wow Dave, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the UPS man comments.

Dave, in obvious pain, replies, 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild.. Hell, we all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I.'

The UPS man thinks a moment and says, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

Dave says, 'Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our 'privates' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.'

The UPS man laughs and says, 'Damn, I'm sorry I missed that.'

'Probably a good thing you did,' Dave responds. 'Your name came up seven times.'

[Gamma]

hl?!!!!

[Jangle]

Yuh love fling stone inna hog pen...........?

[Gamma]

well wi neva have cable tv back in the day.....

[Jangle]

so yuh have nuff bredda and sistas den.......

[Gamma]

and di whole a wi can fling STRAIGHT!