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Man Substitute
Daddy Oh
With Tony Robinson
Sunday, May 17, 2009
If ever you looked on better days.
If ever from your eyelids wiped a tear
And know what 'tis to pity and be pitied,
Let gentleness my strong enforcement be.
Shakespeare, As You Like It III, 7
So many women are pitied because they have no man; they are viewed as being strange, unhappy, different, weird, having tear-filled days and dry, empty nights. And truth be told, many women without men are to be pitied, for as the old Jamaican question is asked, "No man in your life.? Well, half your life is gone."
Some women simply cannot live without a man, at times poaching their friends' husbands, while others get by just fine as they find a substitute, even though they are born and die as virgins. But first, some feedback to "You don't have to be gay."
Hi Tony,
Hats off to you!!! You never fail to amuse me. It's a coincidence that some men will bash others for their gay-like attributes, but turn and do the very thing, in private, that is. I wish that some of those men would pick up some of the cultured attributes and stop being so coarse. There is a time and place for everything.
Peace,
Wendy
Tony,
I enjoyed your column, but surely, you didn't have to do research to find out these truths? It is really troubling to me that our sons and grandsons are growing up thinking that to be considered as being 'macho' or not 'gay' they have to be uncouth, boorish and vulgar. It is sad that common decency and respect for others are seen as being soft or girlish. I would rather deal with a son who is gay any day, than some of who I see in society passing themselves off as 'man'.
Sylvia
Hi Tony,
Very entertaining article as usual and quite insightful. We human beings are in the habit of judging people simply on the basis of external traits and behaviour. For example, one day I was in a pharmacy and a man asked me if I was Seventh- Day Adventist, simply because I wasn't wearing any earrings and my ears weren't pierced. If only he knew that my lack of earrings had to do with my mortal fear of piercing and was not a religious statement. You can't judge a book by its cover.
Lois
Mr Robinson,
Why do you or anyone else need to know? You and many Jamaicans seem not to know that the stereotypical views that you have of who is 'gay' (based on behaviour) does not hold in Jamaica! You need to start finding out about the true gay men in Jamaica, instead of dwelling on outmoded stereotypes that probably relate to a few.
Anthony
One thing is sure, gay men won't need a man substitute, but many women constantly do. Women are socialised to have men, to be a partner, to hang on to the arms of a strong man, to be somebody's woman. Many a daughter has been told to go and get a man, get married, validate their existence, be somebody. As a result many young girls set out on their quest from a very early age, too early, latching on to a man even before they hit puberty, because it's the thing to do and they must abide by society's rules as well as their peers. No wonder we have so many teenage pregnancies, and no wonder we have so many young women with countless children for different fathers. It is their belief that they simply have to have a man, and if they don't, their self-esteem is shot to pieces. The fact is, even so-called educated, intellectual and cultured folks in our society share this view, and as the above quote implied, pity those and wipe the tears from their eyes. "Poor thing, look at her, nice job, great house, lovely car, but no man. what a pity."
But I say fire on those who think that way, for a woman does not have to have a man to validate her existence or build her self-esteem. Just as in other areas of life you can substitute one thing for another, you can have a substitute for a man, and your life will be just as complete if not happier than the woman who has a man or thinks that she has him. Why, you can even substitute generic drugs for the name-brand ones and still get the same results at half the cost, and remember, men do come with a price. One great substitute is The Girls' Night Out, which I find to be very popular nowadays. Just check out any restaurant, cinema or playhouse and you will see a bevy of beauties parading in the place. I see it a lot, women having fun with each other and not a man in sight either. And I'm talking about head-turning, heart-stopping, pulse-quickening, adrenalin-stimulating fine foxes too, all having a great time, out on the weekend. They seem happy with female company and don't appear to miss men whatsoever.
Another male substitute is Internet chat rooms which are extremely popular these days. Now don't scoff, but I have discovered from many women that the Internet is a veritable treasure trove of eligible chat partners and a great vehicle to take them into people's lives. The personal things that people express to each other on the net is astonishing, and I know people who have never met but who share a bond and commitment in their lives that is far closer than any real-life relationship. For this reason, many women find solace and satisfaction in having Internet relationships as there's little chance of being hurt. These women live on their computers and look forward to going home to have lengthy chats with people from far-off lands who they have never laid eyes on. "How she so happy and she nuh have nuh man?" "That's because she have her Internet chat room and spend nuff time with people from all over the world. That's her man substitute."
Then, of course, there are book clubs, and few things are as satisfying as curling up with a good book on a rainy night. if you have no man, that is. More women join book clubs than men, so more women are literate, of course. So having no man can be a plus to our literacy rate, for perhaps if these women had men they would have no time to read so many books per week. I found also that a great substitute for a man is a dog, which is ironic, as women are always calling men dogs. But dogs are man's best friend anyway, and women's too. "If I can't get a man I'll settle for a dog, as he'll love me unconditionally," this lady told me. And it's not any regular mongrel dog either, or a dog with a practical function that can scare off thieves, but a pedigree with more papers than a post-grad professor. Just check it out, most of these women with those little rat dogs with cat envy have no men, and they treat the runt with more affection and love than they would give to any man. Women with men have no time for dogs. But now to the steamy side of the man substitute, let's delve into the real man substitute, the sex toy industry, which is geared mostly for women. Who do you think those gadgets are for, worthy of any James Bond movie or a Japanese robot factory? They come in all shapes, sizes, colours, textures, and some are even motorised with more horsepower than a lawnmower, all substitutes for men. The market is huge and the women are happy. Then some women substitute food for men, but that is a sad self-defeating exercise. They do say that chocolate is a substitute for sex, but some ladies really take it to a different dimension as they gorge day and night on all types of food, from cake to Danish to full-house pizzas, all because they have no man. So ladies, you haven't got to have a man in these modern times. If you do, then that's great, but if you don't, then there are always substitutes. More time.
seido1@hotmail.com
Footnote: When we do well as a country, especially in sports, our national anthem is number one on the hit parade and national fervour runs high. By the way, our anthem is the only one in the world that's actually a hymn, so blessed are we. Yet when I attend functions or go to the cinema, I am appalled and disgusted to see people sitting down while our anthem is being played. May I suggest that people who refuse to stand for our anthem be escorted out of the theatre by security guards or police and given a refund. This national pride should also be taught in our schools, where behaviour is so terrible. It just may be a start to bring respect to our anthem.