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Why I Fired My Secretary

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  • Why I Fired My Secretary

    Last week was my birthday
    and I didn't feel very well
    waking up on that morning.

    I went downstairs for breakfast
    hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
    'Happy Birthday!',
    and possibly have a small present for me.

    As it turned out,
    she barely said good morning,
    let alone
    ' Happy Birthday.'

    I thought...

    Well, that's marriage for you,
    but the kids...
    They will remember.

    My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
    and didn't say a word.
    So when I left for the office,
    I felt pretty low
    and somewhat despondent.

    As I walked into my office,
    my secretary Jane said,
    'Good Morning Boss,
    and by the way
    Happy Birthday ! '
    It felt a little better
    that at least someone had remembered.

    I worked until one o'clock ,
    when Jane knocked on my door
    and said, 'You know,
    It's such a beautiful day outside,
    and it is your Birthday,
    what do you say we go out to lunch,
    just you and me.'
    I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
    that's the greatest thing
    I've heard all day.
    Let's go !'

    We went to lunch.
    But we didn't go
    where we normally would go.
    She chose instead at a quiet bistro
    with a private table.
    We had two martinis each
    and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

    On the way back to the office,
    Jane said, 'You know,
    It's such a beautiful day...
    We don't need to go straight back to the office,
    Do We ?'

    I responded,
    'I guess not.
    What do you have in mind ?'
    She said,
    'Let's drop by my apartment,
    it's just around the corner.'





    After arriving at her apartment,
    Jane turned to me and said,
    ' Boss, if you don't mind,
    I'm going to step into the bedroom
    for just a moment.
    I'll be right back.'
    'Ok.' I nervously replied.

    She went into the bedroom and,
    after a couple of minutes,
    she came out
    carrying a huge birthday cake ...
    Followed
    by my wife,
    my kids,
    and dozens of my friends
    and co-workers,
    all singing 'Happy Birthday'.


    And I just sat there...



    On the couch...



    Naked

  • #2
    LOL!!!!!!!! Wick'd.
    "Jamaica's future reflects its past, having attained only one per cent annual growth over 30 years whilst neighbours have grown at five per cent." (Article)

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    • #3
      Only Brick ..lolol.
      THERE IS ONLY ONE ONANDI LOWE!

      "Good things come out of the garrisons" after his daughter won the 100m Gold For Jamaica.


      "It therefore is useless and pointless, unless it is for share malice and victimisation to arrest and charge a 92-year-old man for such a simple offence. There is nothing morally wrong with this man smoking a spliff; the only thing wrong is that it is still on the law books," said Chevannes.

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      • #4
        all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
        And I just sat there...

        On the couch...

        Naked
        Who yuh gonna blame, nobady neva tell yuh fi STRIP
        Life is a system of half-truths and lies, opportunistic, convenient evasion.”
        - Langston Hughes

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        • #5
          Good one. But since yuh got jokes, try this one for size. . .

          An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
          The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

          I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
          'So what do you think about that Doc ?'

          The doctor considered his question for a minute and
          then began to tell a story.

          'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter
          and never misses a season.'

          One day he was setting off to go hunting.
          In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'

          'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

          He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

          Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if
          it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.'

          'Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
          Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.

          The 86-year-old said ,

          'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
          pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

          The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.'
          "Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance." ~ Kahlil Gibran

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          • #6
            Good joke and very funny.
            Winning means you're willing to go longer, work harder, and give more than anyone else - Vince Lombardi

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            • #7
              Are you using cold water on your dishes?


              This is for all the germ conscious folks who worry about
              using cold water to clean.

              Terry went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of North Renfrew ... Wales

              After spending a great evening chatting the night away,
              Terry's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.

              However, Terry noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?'

              His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get' em.
              Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'

              For lunch the old man made hamburgers.
              Again, Terry was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?'

              Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them.
              Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'

              Later that afternoon, Terry was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.

              Terry yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.

              Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted,














              'COLDWATER,
              GO LAY DOWN NOW,
              YAH HEAR ME!!!'

              Meet Coldwater!
              Attached Files


              BLACK LIVES MATTER

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              • #8
                Nasty

                canine joke. Sit Mo. sit! Good dog!

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                • #9
                  ruff!


                  BLACK LIVES MATTER

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                  • #10
                    Isn't it past your bedtime?

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                    • #11
                      5 minutes left!


                      BLACK LIVES MATTER

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