Stress Relief!!!

[Historian]

Proper Usage of the “F” Word

Correct use of the “F…” word . . .

When is @#$% Acceptable?

There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has
been considered acceptable for use.

They are as follows:

11. “What the @#$% do you mean, ‘We are sinking’?”
-- Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912


10. “What the @#$% was that?”
-- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945


9.“Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
-- General Custer, 1877


8.“Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
-- Einstein, 1938


7. “It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
-- Picasso, 1926


6. “How the @#$% did you work that out?"
-- Pythagoras, 126 BC


5. “You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
-- Michelangelo, 1566


4. “Where the @#$% are we?"
-- Amelia Earhart, 1937


3. “Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!"
-- Noah, 4314 BC


2. “Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1998



and a drum roll please............!

1. “Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad!!"
-- Saddam Hussein, 2003

[Historian]

The Postage Stamp!!

The Postage Stamp


Prime Minister Patterson wants a postage stamp issued with his picture on it. So, he instructs his people, stressing that it should be of high international quality. The stamps are created, printed and released. Prime Minister Patterson is very pleased, but within a few days of the release of the stamp, he is hearing complaints that the stamp is not sticking, and he becomes infuriated. He calls the people responsible and orders them to investigate the matter. They check the matter out at several post offices, and they report the problem to Prime Minister Patterson.

The report states:

"There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side."

[OJ]

there is one more for lazie.. as the multiple murderer goes for bail for killing a houshold of women and kids.. The Judge ask how comes you come to this? The shotta replied I dont ahave a ****************ing drivers license!

[Lazie]

there is one more for lazie.. as the multiple murderer goes for bail for killing a houshold of women and kids.. The Judge ask how comes you come to this? The shotta replied I dont ahave a ****************ing drivers license!

Yuh waan explain that joke OJ?

[Peter R]

I saw this on Jamaicans.com. I had heard the joke but not this anancy version.

Anancy and The Cricket Match


Published Jan 1, 2003

Once upon a time, Brother Anancy had a plan to go to the cricket match in town, which was far away. He did not have enough money so he came up with a plan. He went to see Brother Snake and Brother Rabbit, who also wanted to see the cricket match but did not have enough money. However they had just a little more money than Anancy did. Anancy told them to meet him at the train station in the morning at 5:00 a.m. and bring what little money they had. He told them he could get them all there if they shared the food with him, which they would buy with the extra money. They agreed. The next morning Anancy met Brother Snake and Brother Rabbit at the station.
They were excited as they saw the train coming and going. He told them he would get them to the match but they had to trust him with their money. They hesitated but then he explained that they would have spending money if they trust him. He also requested he hold all the money for safekeeping. He told them that he would keep the extra money and the tickets.
“Anancy what is the plan” they asked
“I am going to get us to the match and back with one round trip ticket” he replied.
They knew Anancy was a master trickster so they went with the plan but told him they would hold the extra money. Anancy walked over to the ticket booth & bought a one-way ticket to go to Kingston.
The train was ready & Anancy beckoned to them to follow him. They got on the train & Anancy led them all the way to toilet. "Anancy, is what are you doing?” asked Rabbit. Anancy told them, "Just be quiet man and watch the ride." He told them to get in quickly. Snake said to Anancy, "Mi nah ride like this go ah de match." Anancy replied "Just keep quite Snake, you will soon get your own seat. Jus watch de ride."
The train started to pull out & the conductor was coming down the aisle. "Tickets please." he shouted. He tapped on the toilet door & Anancy told Rabbit to slide the ticket under the door. The conductor took it & was on his way. Anancy & friends waited for 10 minutes so then they all left the toilet and found seats in the car. This was easy being it was the first train & it left at 5.00 a.m. On arrival at the station Rabbit and Snake bought breakfast. Anancy asked for some but they told him no they would share lunch. Anancy was angry but did not argue with them. They got to the cricket field early and watched the set up. Rabbit & Snake bought more food. They bought sky juice & bulla and shared none with Anancy. They ate and paid him no mind. Anancy requested food again. Snake said, "Man yuh to craven go fine yuh ownnah food." By this time Anancy realized that he was not going to get any food from them so he would have to get some for himself.
He started to devise a plan. The match had started and he continued to look food. Anancy walked over to one the vendors and told them that he wanted a patty and juice. When the man asked for money he told him his friends Snake and Rabbit would pay for it. The man walked over to Snake and Rabbit for the money. They were angry. Hold this and we will pay you the rest later. Rabbit said "Snake since yuh have de ticket mek we leave Anancy when the match done." Snake smiled "Yes we will leave him mek im fine de money pay." The match went well and the W.I. won. Snake and Rabbit told Anancy they had to go toilet before they go.
Anancy knew they were up to something as he saw the vendor coming and they were gone for more than 15 minutes. He ran all the way to the station and the vendor was in hot pursuit. Now Snake and Rabbit were already on the train in the bathroom. Anancy got on the train sat down and waited for the train to start moving. As soon as it did he got up, went over to the restroom and changed his voice and said, "Ticket please." Snake took the ticket, slipped it under the door. Anancy took the ticket and went back to his seat. Snake and Rabbit were doing the same thing Anancy told them, to wait 5 minutes. A little while later there was a knock on the door. "Tickets please." the person asked. Snake replied, The other conductor took our ticket." The conductor replied, "I am the only conductor on the train." As they were thrown off the train to the waiting vendors they saw Anancy sitting on the train with a big smile.

[Bruce]

Just Lay Back And Enjoy....

Just lay on your F***ING back, you stupid F*CK,, AND ENJOY THE F*CKING F*CK !