For my Liverpool friends. Saw this on FB and have to share.

[Lazie]

Very awkward moment this morning for a father when his 7 year old son asked him what a dick was !

Fortunately a man in a Liverpool football shirt was passing them at the same time !!

[Gamma]

Crisis averted!!!!

[Sir X]

Pretty sure he will be happy to now thats the instruement that got mummy pregnant , and thats what makes the ladies happy.

I hope he grows up to be one, like his pops.Pretty sure he is aspiring to such heights ,hope he makes it and not become a p***y.

[Bricktop]

hope he makes it and not become a p***y.

Or the part where ManUre come from

[Jangle]

Bwoy unuh hillarrrriossss

[Peter R]

Ha ha.. hilarious You might appreciate these

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What do Manchester United Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.


A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road, dressed in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.

"No problem Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the man.

However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting shite, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said

"I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United fan,"

"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got the f***er with the door!"

Q: What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick.



Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.

A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a Arsenal scarf.

"Hello mate," says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven."
"What?" Exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Man Utd fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the Man Utd supporter.
"Oh really," says St. Peter. "What have you done, then?"
"Well," said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa."
"Oh," says St. Peter. "Anything else?"
"Well, two weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay," said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now screw off."

Top tip for Manchester United fans: don't waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.

[Paul Marin]

Very awkward moment this morning for a father when his 7 year old son asked him what a dick was !

Fortunately a man in a Liverpool football shirt was passing them at the same time !!

How come you leave out the part when the Manu fan was passing by when the kid asked his dad what an a**hole was?

[Paul Marin]

Bwoy Peter, yu not easy star, yu tek Lazie love tap and lik 'im back wid a bazooka! LOL!!!

[Jangle]

Luv em....keep them coming!!!! Ole Farts!!!

[Paul Marin]

Luv em....keep them coming!!!! Ole Farts!!!

Okay - you axed for it...what about the one where the Manu** fan went into a bar...

Bartender: What will you have?

Manc: A pint please...

The bartender puts down the pint and just then, a little 8" man with an LFC tattoo on his chest jumps out of the Mancs' shirt pocket and kicks over the beer, then he runs back and jumps in the Mancs' shirt pocket. The bartender is taken aback...

Manc: No worries, no worries...just get me another one.

Same thing happens. This goes on for several more beers when the bartender finally gets fed up.

Bartender: Oi, guv, wtf! I can't keep going on like this all night. Who's that little man anyway?

Manc: Well, a few months ago, I came across an old lamp and when I cleaned it, a genie popped out, she gave me two wishes.

Bartender: And what did you wish for?

Manc: First wish was for an 8" d*ck and the second was for it to have the crest of the greatest football team in history tattooed on it...this fella is what I got!

[Peter R]

What do you say to a ManU fan with a stunning woman on his arm?... "Nice tatoo!"