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Harbour Sharks – WTF!!!
October 26, 2009 (AP) Habour Sharks fans would be well justified if they found themselves flabbergasted at this week’s performances in the tightening league. Of particular note was the blockbuster performance of Jangle United, Nhor Burgundy’s XI and Lightblues FC all amassing points totals of 48, 47 and 53 points respectively.
The huge surge by these clubs are even more glaring considering that table toppers Slurgie’s Nightmare turned in an appalling points total of only 22 points. With the surge (and SN's inexplicable lapse), the table has changed – dramatically!! But not in changes in positions, but in the gap, which is now narrowed to a slender 16 points between first and second and only 27 points separating first from fifth.
Jangle United, famously characterised by Lightblue’s FC manager Twan as “a midtable team at best” seem to be defying the pundits with back to back performances worthy of a serious title challenge. Manager Jangle of Jangle United, was quick to issue a press release to his shareholders, citing the team’s recent noteworthy performances. He also declared the Habour Sharks League as being more entertaining than the English Premier League. When asked to comment, the English FA, through a spokesman from Soho Square stated “It is widely known that Mr. Jangle is guilty of occassionaly smoking crack cocaine and other illegal substances”. Mr. Jangle has subsequently demanded a retraction, and threatens to file a libel law suit in the Chancery Courts in London if the FA does not comply. We will be watching this one closely.
But we would be remiss not to report the absolutely shocking performance of league leaders Slurgie’s Nightmare. Assembled outside the sprawling estate of pop star Rihanna’s east Essex mansion, angry fans awaited an appearance from their manager, Paul Marin. “We demand an explanation from the manager,” said a supporter who identified himself only as Mo. “Since the manager started carousing with Rihanna, he has made some serious blunders. Last week he failed to make a selection for captain and a few weeks ago, he inexplicably left Gerrard on the bench, something is not right, and it’s this high flying lifestyle of his that has taken over.”
When we finally got to Mr. Marin by phone, he was pragmatic. “Listen, I understand the fans frustration, but I assure you that it has nothing to do with Rihanna. And yes, I admit we were out late the night before the match celebrating the launch of her new album, but I assure you, we have the situation under control.” When asked how many drinks he had the night before, the manager snapped "None of your God dyam bizness!!" and hung up the phone. Only time will tell if Mr. Marin can deliver and still maintain his high flying lifestyle. In this reporters opinion, he seems more interested in the celebrity rather than football.
Other notable performances were turned in by Lightblues FC with the week’s best 53 point haul, along with Nhor Burgundy’s XI (47 points) and LiverpoolXXX (44 points). Meanwhile the mid table teams (positions 5-9) welcomed Freddy is God United to their ranks, while Gooner Hill FC took over 7th spot from Christchurch FC who fell to 8th from 7th last week. The bottom of the table remains graced by the same three teams, although LiverpoolXXX moved up to 9th spot from 10th at Chelsea Lions expense, who dropped to 11th. Per Curiam remains firmly lodged at the bottom of the table with no hope of avoiding relegation in sight. Much has been made of the news that the team is about to purchased by singer Dionne Warwick, in association with a group of unnamed investors. As we reported last week, Per Curiam's manager Gamma has been widely reported as being involved with the 1960’s era popstar, rumoured to have been introduced to the manager by his grandmother. Warwick and Gamma's grandmother were classmates in highschool.
The standings at the end of week 10:
Player Name Ps10 Pts10
Slurgie's Nightmare Paul Marin 1 418
Jangle United * Jangle 2 402
nhor burgundy's XI Rohn Rainford 3 395
ReggaeArsenal george freeman 4 394
LightBluesFC Antoine McKenzie 5 391
Freddy is God United Forumite TK 6 380
Gooner Hill F.C Shola 7 370
Christ Church F.C. Kevin Ramsay 8 370
tantos c-bar Patrick phillips 9 340
LiverpoolXXX X 10 325
Chelsea Lions Robert Harvey 11 321
per curiam Gamma 12 277
October 26, 2009 (AP) Habour Sharks fans would be well justified if they found themselves flabbergasted at this week’s performances in the tightening league. Of particular note was the blockbuster performance of Jangle United, Nhor Burgundy’s XI and Lightblues FC all amassing points totals of 48, 47 and 53 points respectively.
The huge surge by these clubs are even more glaring considering that table toppers Slurgie’s Nightmare turned in an appalling points total of only 22 points. With the surge (and SN's inexplicable lapse), the table has changed – dramatically!! But not in changes in positions, but in the gap, which is now narrowed to a slender 16 points between first and second and only 27 points separating first from fifth.
Jangle United, famously characterised by Lightblue’s FC manager Twan as “a midtable team at best” seem to be defying the pundits with back to back performances worthy of a serious title challenge. Manager Jangle of Jangle United, was quick to issue a press release to his shareholders, citing the team’s recent noteworthy performances. He also declared the Habour Sharks League as being more entertaining than the English Premier League. When asked to comment, the English FA, through a spokesman from Soho Square stated “It is widely known that Mr. Jangle is guilty of occassionaly smoking crack cocaine and other illegal substances”. Mr. Jangle has subsequently demanded a retraction, and threatens to file a libel law suit in the Chancery Courts in London if the FA does not comply. We will be watching this one closely.
But we would be remiss not to report the absolutely shocking performance of league leaders Slurgie’s Nightmare. Assembled outside the sprawling estate of pop star Rihanna’s east Essex mansion, angry fans awaited an appearance from their manager, Paul Marin. “We demand an explanation from the manager,” said a supporter who identified himself only as Mo. “Since the manager started carousing with Rihanna, he has made some serious blunders. Last week he failed to make a selection for captain and a few weeks ago, he inexplicably left Gerrard on the bench, something is not right, and it’s this high flying lifestyle of his that has taken over.”
When we finally got to Mr. Marin by phone, he was pragmatic. “Listen, I understand the fans frustration, but I assure you that it has nothing to do with Rihanna. And yes, I admit we were out late the night before the match celebrating the launch of her new album, but I assure you, we have the situation under control.” When asked how many drinks he had the night before, the manager snapped "None of your God dyam bizness!!" and hung up the phone. Only time will tell if Mr. Marin can deliver and still maintain his high flying lifestyle. In this reporters opinion, he seems more interested in the celebrity rather than football.
Other notable performances were turned in by Lightblues FC with the week’s best 53 point haul, along with Nhor Burgundy’s XI (47 points) and LiverpoolXXX (44 points). Meanwhile the mid table teams (positions 5-9) welcomed Freddy is God United to their ranks, while Gooner Hill FC took over 7th spot from Christchurch FC who fell to 8th from 7th last week. The bottom of the table remains graced by the same three teams, although LiverpoolXXX moved up to 9th spot from 10th at Chelsea Lions expense, who dropped to 11th. Per Curiam remains firmly lodged at the bottom of the table with no hope of avoiding relegation in sight. Much has been made of the news that the team is about to purchased by singer Dionne Warwick, in association with a group of unnamed investors. As we reported last week, Per Curiam's manager Gamma has been widely reported as being involved with the 1960’s era popstar, rumoured to have been introduced to the manager by his grandmother. Warwick and Gamma's grandmother were classmates in highschool.
The standings at the end of week 10:
Player Name Ps10 Pts10
Slurgie's Nightmare Paul Marin 1 418
Jangle United * Jangle 2 402
nhor burgundy's XI Rohn Rainford 3 395
ReggaeArsenal george freeman 4 394
LightBluesFC Antoine McKenzie 5 391
Freddy is God United Forumite TK 6 380
Gooner Hill F.C Shola 7 370
Christ Church F.C. Kevin Ramsay 8 370
tantos c-bar Patrick phillips 9 340
LiverpoolXXX X 10 325
Chelsea Lions Robert Harvey 11 321
per curiam Gamma 12 277
Paul Marin -19 is one thing, 20 is a whole other matter. It gets even worse if they win the UCL. *groan*. 
05/18/2011.MU fans naah cough, but all a unuh a vomit?-Lazie 1/11/2015
But true, season just sta't. But me haffi stop loaf...unu a tek dis ting too serious...
You have awoken the sleeping giant!!! 
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