Harbour Sharks - Was last week a buck up?

[Paul Marin]

October 6, 2009 (AP) Last week, Harbour Sharks fans saw big adjustments in the table most notably from Jangle United who surged from sixth spot to third place at the expense of LightBlues FC (Twan), who dropped precipitously into sixth from third. There was also movement by LiverpoolXXX (X) getting off the bottom of the standings and into tenth place, leaving lowly Per Curiam (Gamma) alone in the cellar, 126 points off the league leading pace set by Paul Marin's Slurgie's Nightmare.

Well footy fans, after this week's results, Per Curiam still is hugging the rocky road at the foot of the standings, but that was to be expected seeing that no one can find their manager. "We were all expecting him to be at practice this week, you know" complained Per Curriam captain Steven Gerrard, "but he didn't show..."

While things are clearly going all wrong at Per Curiam, the neutrals were all expecting Jangle United to build on last week's success and catapult further up the table. In the lead up to the weekend, Manager Jangle was asked why he - a devout Man United supporter - had so many Liverpool players in his squad upon which he dived into a rant:

"This is exactly why when SAF sold Van Nistelroy, Tevez and Ronaldo, many of unuh fools started bleating like sheep bout unfair dis and dat. Unuh pick fe unuh teams offa unuh emotions. I am in this business to win and make money for my shareholders. I have to answer to Mr. President if I fail. He is watching me like a hawk and I don't intend to fail, especially to some nasty livafool lovers. If it is going to take quality players to win , then I'll use them. It is unfortunate that they are playing for such a scum of a team and manager, but I can't deny their playing qualities. I will step on your heads to win!!!!!"

After setting such high expectations, sadly, Jangle stepped on his own head, falling to fourth and surrendering third place to TK's Freddy is God United. "Cho, Jangle get a onetime buck up an' him a gwan like him is some big time manager" said 'Freddy's' Manager TK, "him an Gamma (Per Curiam) betta get ready fi Championship football nex' season, see how fi him shareholders and president like dat! He he he...". Manager TK should be careful, as he leads Jangle United by only 1 point. Indeed, only ten points separate seventh from third, while forty-one points separate third from first. League leaders Slurgie's Nightmare have also opened up an impressive 25 point gap on second placed Nhor Burgundy's XI, a big jump considering the two were even on points last week separated then only by Slurgie's Nightmare's superior goal difference.

When asked to comment on this week's impressive results by his team, Manager Paul Marin stated, "I am proud of my team, but we have a long way to go. No further questions. Thank you." At which point Mr. Marin donned his platinum edged designer shades and sped off in a black Ferrari, accompanied by an unidentified young woman by his side. Reliable sources have it that it was his new flame, (pop star Rihanna) by his side.

Other movement in the standings saw Tantos C-Bar move up to 9th position from 11th and now out of the relegation zone while Chelsea Lions slipped in to 11th spot. Otherwise, the rest of the table remains unchanged.

Here are the standings as the end of Round 8:

1 Slurgie's Nightmare Paul Marin 365
2 nhor burgundy's XI Rohn Rainford 340
3 Freddy is God United Forumite TK 324
4 Jangle United***** Jangle 323
5 Christ Church F.C. Kevin Ramsay 322
6 LightBluesFC Twan 314
7 ReggaeArsenal george freeman 305
8 Gooner Hill F.C Shola 283
9 tantos c-bar Patrick phillips 267
10 LiverpoolXXX X 265
11 Chelsea Lions Robert Harvey 264
12 per curiam Gamma 239

(c) RBSC Roving Reporter.

[Jangle]

Business first. Thanks Paul for your weekly article/update. I look forward to it every Monday, and since my time is now restricted, I really appreciate your updates.


Now on to the thrash talking:

I put your movement last week down to pure luck and not common sense. Based on my highly developed level of insightment, I have deduced that you got most of your points from Darren Bent being in your team, whilst the rest of the league had players within their teams playing against each other, therefore nullifying/minimising their points gained. Your fall from grace is coming, and when it hits you, it's going to be mindblowing. The pressures of the job will eventually get to you. I see that you have easily fallen into the same trap that befalls many black men that suddenly comes into new money and overnight fame. You have gone out and spent money earmarked for player transfers and paid down on a flashy car. You have also started to spend stupidly with your "future" earnings on a high profile celebrity. Understand this Paul, you are a fly-by-night celebrity, and you can't keep up with such a young "suppling" filly as Rhianna. I would think Dionne Warick would be more to your speed. Even though we are professional enemies, take my foolish advice, save your money and in the words of the wise one, HL, keep your suitcase packed and your tank full of gas.

[Gamma]

mi pull a hamstring!

[Paul Marin]

Business first. Thanks Paul for your weekly article/update. I look forward to it every Monday, and since my time is now restricted, I really appreciate your updates.


Now on to the thrash talking:

I put your movement last week down to pure luck and not common sense. Based on my highly developed level of insightment, I have deduced that you got most of your points from Darren Bent being in your team, whilst the rest of the league had players within their teams playing against each other, therefore nullifying/minimising their points gained. Your fall from grace is coming, and when it hits you, it's going to be mindblowing. The pressures of the job will eventually get to you. I see that you have easily fallen into the same trap that befalls many black men that suddenly comes into new money and overnight fame. You have gone out and spent money earmarked for player transfers and paid down on a flashy car. You have also started to spend stupidly with your "future" earnings on a high profile celebrity. Understand this Paul, you are a fly-by-night celebrity, and you can't keep up with such a young "suppling" filly as Rhianna. I would think Dionne Warick would be more to your speed. Even though we are professional enemies, take my foolish advice, save your money and in the words of the wise one, HL, keep your suitcase packed and your tank full of gas.

First of all, continued good luck with your newborn. That is the priority for sure.

Now, on the business of ball, I won't tell a lie, I enjoy the updates especially true it mek mi laff when I think of how tings shaping up. I have to go back to the start of the season and pull some of Shola, Gamma, Twan, TK and fi yu trash talk. I notice the rest of dem quiet, but you still continuing your charade. I guess there is a reason they call it "fantasy league". To tell the truth, I don't think I have laff more than when I just read this post...it is a classic:

I put your movement last week down to pure luck and not common sense. Based on my highly developed level of insightment, I have deduced that you got most of your points from Darren Bent being in your team, whilst the rest of the league had players within their teams playing against each other, therefore nullifying/minimising their points gained. --

Jangle, Jangle, Jangle...if you knew what you were doing you would have realised that the points for you this week were in jeopardy with 'pool's woeful form...going to the bridge after the loss at Fiorentina was a bad break. But don't worry, your highly developed level of insightment is well...still developing. Hush, no mine


Your fall from grace is coming, and when it hits you, it's going to be mindblowing.

As I told Twan, I am going to MILK IT FOR ALL ITS WORTH UNTIL THEN. I am sure you are counting the days but I feel seh your likkle girl will be older than you by time that happen Woeeeeeeeeeeeeee he he heeeeee....

The pressures of the job will eventually get to you. I see that you have easily fallen into the same trap that befalls many black men that suddenly comes into new money and overnight fame. You have gone out and spent money earmarked for player transfers and paid down on a flashy car. You have also started to spend stupidly with your "future" earnings on a high profile celebrity. -

You know Jangle, I can appreciate your concern my bredrin. It is not everyday that a nex' manager would express such heart felt concern for a colleague or as you say "professional enemy". Now, I can understand how you might speculate that I am spending my money stupidly, but me don't name MC Hammer. Hear wah happen, mi did deh a mi ya'd a study football flim when di phone ring. It was Jay Z vex bout how all Beyonce a talk bout is Paul, Paul, Paul and how she giweh him platinum edge glasses. So mi tell him seh if him can give me an intro to Rihanna, den mi will let Beyonce down easy. Lickity split, an' two twos, Rihanna deh at mi door? But a so it guh...me nuh know why she buy mi di Ferrari? Wait, a who dat at di door again...Dionne!! Damn woman!!! Put on u clothes!!! SECURITY!!!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[Jangle]