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Black Attack: Soccer – For Goodness Sake, Make It Sexy
Soccer the game is sexy. The presentation should be equally so, says Alan Black.
Aug 3, 2009 9:43:46 PM
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Confed-Cup: Fans Team USA (firo)
By Alan Black
The other day, I was watching a pre-game Major League Soccer show, and I fell asleep. Two men in matching blazers, with oversize cans covering their ears, administered the anesthetic. Back in the mundane studio, the anchor behind the desk looked like the smarmy frat-boy on the rowing team. You just wanted to kick him into the river. It was depressingly boring. You could have been mistaken into thinking this was Baseball Tonight, the antidote for insomnia. I woke up at halftime, and there they were again. I turned the TV off. Another lost customer for MLS.
It reminded me why I prefer to watch my soccer on the Spanish-speaking channel, Univision, even though - embarrassingly - my Spanish is limited to ordering a burrito. At the last World Cup Finals, Univision’s studio looked like a bar, with fabulously beautiful women juggling balls and sportscasters that looked like they were excited and reveling in the atmosphere. How could a fan not be thrilled? It was marvelous. You just wanted to be there in the studio, dancing to the band, drinking, and cheering wildly. Meanwhile, over on the English-speaking channel, serious men in crummy suits did their best to bore another nail into soccer.
Wake up, ESPN! Wake up, Fox Sports Channel! Learn from people who know how to make soccer sexy. The advertiser will thank you with their dollars. So crack out the bar scene, Budweiser has one already made for you, and populate it with young vibrant fans who are cheering and shifting their hips to the sounds of the samba. And find some sportscasters that will not say “Score!” It’s “Goal!” or “Gooooooaaaaaaaalllllllll,” if you’re watching on Univision, as I will be. Haven’t you learned that by now?
The presentation of soccer on American television should be cutting edge, a new paradigm, offering a complete departure from the stale, ossified corpse of other American sports. Bring in your fan reporters, sending video to the studio from scenes in the stands. Show the best entries at halftime. Use all the new technology to attract the tweeters and the facebookers and all the rest of the modern jams. Have live bands play in the studio - Bono will do it, he’ll do anything - and bring in the soccer fan movie stars for their two-pence. Throw in a trip to Hawaii contest, the winner announced at the final whistle, make people want to watch. And be sexy, like the game itself.
That’s the plan: get stripped and get it on.
Alan Black, author of Kick The Balls, is a Goal.com contributor
For more on Major League Soccer, visit Goal.com's MLS page
Soccer the game is sexy. The presentation should be equally so, says Alan Black.
Aug 3, 2009 9:43:46 PM
Photo Gallery Zoom
Confed-Cup: Fans Team USA (firo)
By Alan Black
The other day, I was watching a pre-game Major League Soccer show, and I fell asleep. Two men in matching blazers, with oversize cans covering their ears, administered the anesthetic. Back in the mundane studio, the anchor behind the desk looked like the smarmy frat-boy on the rowing team. You just wanted to kick him into the river. It was depressingly boring. You could have been mistaken into thinking this was Baseball Tonight, the antidote for insomnia. I woke up at halftime, and there they were again. I turned the TV off. Another lost customer for MLS.
It reminded me why I prefer to watch my soccer on the Spanish-speaking channel, Univision, even though - embarrassingly - my Spanish is limited to ordering a burrito. At the last World Cup Finals, Univision’s studio looked like a bar, with fabulously beautiful women juggling balls and sportscasters that looked like they were excited and reveling in the atmosphere. How could a fan not be thrilled? It was marvelous. You just wanted to be there in the studio, dancing to the band, drinking, and cheering wildly. Meanwhile, over on the English-speaking channel, serious men in crummy suits did their best to bore another nail into soccer.
Wake up, ESPN! Wake up, Fox Sports Channel! Learn from people who know how to make soccer sexy. The advertiser will thank you with their dollars. So crack out the bar scene, Budweiser has one already made for you, and populate it with young vibrant fans who are cheering and shifting their hips to the sounds of the samba. And find some sportscasters that will not say “Score!” It’s “Goal!” or “Gooooooaaaaaaaalllllllll,” if you’re watching on Univision, as I will be. Haven’t you learned that by now?
The presentation of soccer on American television should be cutting edge, a new paradigm, offering a complete departure from the stale, ossified corpse of other American sports. Bring in your fan reporters, sending video to the studio from scenes in the stands. Show the best entries at halftime. Use all the new technology to attract the tweeters and the facebookers and all the rest of the modern jams. Have live bands play in the studio - Bono will do it, he’ll do anything - and bring in the soccer fan movie stars for their two-pence. Throw in a trip to Hawaii contest, the winner announced at the final whistle, make people want to watch. And be sexy, like the game itself.
That’s the plan: get stripped and get it on.
Alan Black, author of Kick The Balls, is a Goal.com contributor
For more on Major League Soccer, visit Goal.com's MLS page
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